Saiken no
by metal-mako-dragon
Summary: For two years Duo Maxwell, former pilot of the GundamDeathscythe, has been living alone with the guilt his life has brought him; until the one thing he thought he had lost forever finds him, but what is the dark secret? Contains Yaoi.
1. Duo Maxwell this is your life

This is a GW fic that I started writing quite a while ago but abandoned because I lost the plot, literally! I actually lost a fair chunk of the end of the story that I decided I would write out to keep it fresh in my mind, but I lost it due to an evil damaged floppy disk whom I condemn to hell! *Hchrm* Anyway! On with the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, and also have a substantial lack of cash, so don't bother suing.

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**Saikin**** no **- new

AC.201, Sunday 23rd June

So this was it. This was where I'm gonna' spend the rest of my days until I'm decrepit and wrinkly and to old to bother doing anything about it. Great.

"Of course that hot water does have to be turned on and heated up before use as the timer is out of order, but someone will be sent round to fix it," the sales woman, all proper in her pencil skirt and tan tights, said with a tick on her clip board.

'_Sure_' I thought '_like I've never heard that one before. Where do you think I've been living all my life, a cave_…?'

"Sure, great, of course," I raised a half smile towards the prissy lady in the doorway as I continued further into the little dump I would soon be calling home.

The hallway hadn't exactly oozed homeliness, and I would say that the living room, which was entirely dead, would rate at -45 on the liveability scale. There were damp patches on the walls and the carpet was brown with stains, the occasional patch of the original blue showing through. The windows were dirty and the old puckered and dowdy couch lay dejected in the corner like an old dog that no one wanted to play with any more. The kitchen was just as bad.

"There are three standard storage units, -'_you mean boxes lady'_ - ," the little woman stated, fixing her glasses with the edge of her pen and trying to look as she professional could in her current surroundings, "all the electrical equipment you see comes as part of the apartment – '_don't you mean rathole?_'- and it only needs minimal work to become fully operational."

'_Gees what manual has she been reading from'_ I thought '_the bullshitter's manual of crap designed to weasel money from any unsuspecting idiot…did I just insult myself?_'

"Yeah, great, will do," I said, the smile even more half hearted than the last one.

"Good, now if you would follow me to the bedroom," she snipped turning curtly on her heel and walking back down the hallway.

"Course," I said sauntering after her, "couldn't be more obliged '_if you nailed pins through my feet attached lead weights to the end and then asked me nicely'_".

"This is a double room and the apartment is big enough to cater for two people –'_you mean midgets, not people'_-," she continued, almost sounding like she believed what she was saying, "but it's the only one currently on the market- '_you mean the only one presentable enough to be offered for money'_-."

"Right," I sighed, "you never know, maybe I'll get someone to move in here with me."

Maybe the sarcasm in my voice was too heavy to miss, or maybe just the thought of someone else being persuaded into living in this tiny box was too much to handle, but whatever it was it made the woman smile.

"Of course," she said retaining her annoying "professional" voice and suppressing a laugh, "of course you would have to consult with us first if you were to move in a flatmate."

"'Kay," I said nodding lightly.

She warbled on about some other shit before ushering me to the door and closing it before I could fully take in the shitiness of the little hole and change my mind.

"Be here at two tomorrow and I'll give you the keys and legal documents," the saleswoman snipped again before shaking my hand and clicking away down the concrete walkway to her car. 

"Awww hell," I said looking round at the door with the gold number three staring dully out from the dull red paint. And y'know what the saddest part was? The door was probably the nicest part of my apartment.

I drove back to Quatre's house to spend the night, my motorcycle purring contentedly in my grasp. The roads were winding and it was getting pretty dark, but my vision and senses are thankfully finely tuned and I haven't ever had an accident. Yet. Hell where's some wood to touch when you need it?

The tyres bounced uncertainly as I drove over the gravel in Quatre's driveway and I cursed as the bike slipped this way and that on the small red chips. If I hadn't been sliding so damn much I might have noticed the other skid marks in the usually perfect gravel, but I didn't. Wondering how I ever became a Gundam pilot? Welcome to my world. 

I finally reached the tarmac at the side of the house and sighed with relief to be able to take my helmet off. I hate enclosed spaces, they take away my sense of freedom, and I'll tell you now that no-one can do that to me without a fight, not even myself! I know what you're thinking, 'he's just so darn complicated!', either that or 'he's just so darn stupid.' Either way at least you're thinking about me, heh heh.

I parked the bike beside Quatre's rosebushes and started when I realised that there was another bike hiding behind an overgrown rhododendron bush. It was a sleek, rich blue colour with gold alloy wheels, not the cheap tacky kind but the fancy shiny kind that make you go 'oooooh' when you see them. Other than the fact that it was a Yamaha there were no distinguishing features on it. 

Now I know for a fact the Quatre doesn't like motor bikes, some bad experience or something. He can go near them, but turn one on when he's leaning on it and you'll be rolling on the floor with laughter within two seconds guaranteed. I should know, I've done it. I swear he's so cute sometimes you just wanna squeeze every last drop of sweetness out of him and keep it in a jar. A bit weird that thought, but it's true. He's got so many quirks I just don't know where to begin, but all of them are what make him so sweet, so I'm not complaining. But I'm off track again, just slap me ok?

The bike wasn't Quatre's, okay. So I'd just have to ask him whose it was; even though I love to solve mysteries on my own, it's more fun that way. 

As I walked round to the front of the house I could hear the faint ring of plates and cutlery from the kitchen, and then I remembered just how hungry I was. 

Quatre serves great food, I tell you I would kidnap his chef right now if it wouldn't mean the sad little look on his face and the impending court charges, but he's sooooo gooooood! Mouth watering steaks and Bolognese and fries and ice cream and everything you've ever loved to eat he can make. So you can imagine how disappointed I was when I entered the dinning room to see that the ringing of cutlery and plates had been from clearing up. My disenchantment (yes I did just use a word with four syllables, don't have an aneurism) must have shown through because Heunrie, the head chef put his hands on his plump hips and shook his head.

"Don't you worry master Duo," he smiled wryly, "we 'ave saved some for you."

"Really! Great, thanks buddy, I owe you one," I smiled giving him a wink.

"I will 'ave it sent to your room?"

"Whatever pleases ya!" I smiled back as I left the room, my braid quivering with anticipation as to what culinary delight was in store for me.

Even though the thought of a good meal had made me a little livelier than I had been, I was still dead beat from the long drive to Quatre's mansion and the draining work the prissy lady and the apartment had done on me. I can guess what you're thinking. If it's such a dump, why take it or even consider it in the first place? Well, I did embezzle a lot of OZ funds during the war and my savings aren't bad, but I just don't feel comfortable in luxury. Sure I like staying with Quatre and I'm not saying I don't enjoy the big beds and the gourmet cooking, but I could only take so much. I don't really like luxury that much when it comes down to it, and anyways, once I have moved in and have customized the apartment until it is one hundred percent Duo from the ceiling to the grubby carpet then it would be much more fun to be in. But I'm off again; I thought I told you to slap me?

Right, so I was tired, but I didn't want to go to my room just yet. I needed to find Quatre and the mystery biker. I knew that Trowa was coming up to visit while the circus was in Quatre's part of town. He said he had come to see Catherine and the rest of the troupe, but I bet he wants to see his lions too, he just doesn't say it. Quatre's really great at putting people up, -like me for the last three weeks!-, he's one of those people who like to have his friends around him and wrap himself up in them like a blanket. Ok so my similes aren't getting any better, but I'm not gonna apologise for them. There just there, deal with it. Yeah, anyways Trowa wasn't due for another three days, and he usually like to keep to his schedule, and if that was his bike then it was new 'cause I'd never seen it before. Well, it looks like this mystery is gonna have to solve itself without the help of Duo-the-great-mastermind-of-the-universe. Kidding, I may have no manners but I am modest. 

Walking down the hallway wondering where to begin my search I heard voices in the sitting room and the clink of glasses. Lucky lucky me! I tried my best to distinguish who the voice belonged to, but the doors in Quatre's house are solid oak and really heavy, pretty crap all round for eavesdropping even with my great hearing. So I did the next best thing, I walked up to the door and opened it. Nice and simple. 

"Duo!" the Quatre said with only a hint of wariness quivering through his usual optimism "glad you're back. Drink?"

"Nah," I said waving away the glass he offered me to look attentively at the large plush armchair which held the mystery guest, only their hand showing, "I'm not that thirsty."

"I'm afraid you missed dinner," he said trying not to disappoint me.

"It's cool Q-man," I said smiling, "your gourmet ace saved me some."

"Good," Quatre smiled in return, "but, oh, I'm being rude. Duo, guess who's here."

'_Don't you think I've been doing that for the past five minutes?!_' I thought to myself, '_I don't wanna guess, just show me!_'

But I didn't have to ask because the mystery guest stood up anyway and looking straight at my shocked face said, with a slight nod:

"Duo."

I gaped at him. I didn't blink. I almost began to believe that if I blinked then the figure in front of me would change into someone it was much more likely for me to see in Quatre's sitting room, and not the old friend that I hadn't seen for two years.

"Heero…" I nodded back, smiling. I looked at him for a long time, letting his face sink in, his body, his hair. All there, good good. Wow, he looks great, who am I kidding, he looks fantastic! A little tired maybe but he's all there, the love of my life. Oh did I forget to mention that? That the love of my life is another boy, and my best friend, or at least we used to be best friends, till he disappeared. 

Right after the Mariemia incident with the near destruction of the peace we had fought so hard to gain, with Heero and me and all of the other pilots saving humanity once again, well you can imagine how hectic our greeting party was when we returned from our "adventure". I was busy helping Trowa carry Quatre, injured from his fight with Dorothy, down the walkway while doctors and well wishers and weeping people threw themselves around us like a net. I gave Quatre over to the doctors and desperately tried to shake every hand that was thrust in my face hoping that if I did they would go away. Fat chance. Shaking the hands only meant that more swarmed in their place and I was stuck in the middle of the big fat crowd that had come to greet us. This was the reason that I missed Heero, and also the reason that I didn't get a chance to tell him how I felt about him before he disappeared into nothing but a memory, a good memory, but still only a memory. And now he was here, in front of me, in Quatre's sitting room, holding a glass of what looked like orange juice and I had nothing to say. Well, actually it was probably more like too much to say.

Seeing my shock and lack of conversation Quatre came to my rescue.

"Heero arrived about an hour ago," he said, blue eyes shining, "I was just as shocked and glad as you."

Quatre's always been good at seeing people's feelings, usually even if they don't know their having them in the first place, and through my mask of utter surprise he could see the relief and the joy. Thank his little space heart…

'_Thanks for saying it for me Q-man_" I thought as I smiled.

"So where ya been buddy," I asked him while I leaned against the door for support, trying to make it look casual but failing, "we've been worried about you."

"Hn," came the familiar grunt, "around."

"Sounds nice," I said, my smile changing to a grin, "how was it?"

"Fine," he said taking a sip of his drink and then placing it soundlessly on the side table. I had forgotten how utterly graceful he was, a little mechanical, but still graceful. His long bangs half covered his eyes, those wonderful Prussian blue eyes that reminded me of the sea at night. He was a little taller than I remembered, but then we'd all grown (well…uh, except me), and damn if he wasn't even MORE attractive than I remembered him. I didn't think that was possible, but I was sure that his maturity had given him a more masculine beauty than before when he was just a handsome boy. Well, I'm not complaining. No sireeee'!

"Well it hasn't improved your vocabulary," I said winking at Quatre who gave me a watery smile in return to show that he knew what I meant, "but, well, it's good to see you."

'_Good, try fucking fantastic!_' my mind shouted and danced with joy, 'W_ho__ are you trying to kid, just hug him and never let go damn it_!'

"Hn," Heero said nodding again, "you too Duo."

"Well that's a first," I said laughing, "I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon enough. How long ya here for anyway?"

"Not sure, as long as Quatre will have me," Heero shrugged.

"You know you're welcome to stay for as long as you like," Quatre told him with a gentle smile, "and Trowa will be here in a couple of days, I'm sure he'd be just as glad to see you as we are."

'_Gees Quatre rub it in that I'm happy to see him already_,' I thought, then changed my mind, '_alright then go ahead, I'm not complaining_.'

"Arigatou, Quatre," Heero said sincerely, "but I'm still looking for somewhere to stay. I won't bother you after I find somewhere."

'_Alright Duo Maxwell_,' my mind warned me suddenly, '_snap out of it before you do what I think you're gonna do. I know the apartment could use company and there is really room enough for two but don't you DARE say it_."

"Well isn't that luck," Quatre said with a look in his eye that made you know that he wasn't being sadistic but meant well, "Duo's just found an apartment near the centre of town. You were just there weren't you? Didn't you say it was a double? What was it like?" 

I couldn't speak. I couldn't get my stupid voice box to say do a damn stupid word when it would have been a good time to say…something, anything! Now there's a first, right!? Duo Maxwell stunned into silence, well you know I'm not lying even though I can see why you might think I am. Well you know my motto, and I'm not gonna break it. 

"Good," I managed to say in a strangled voice, shrugging my shoulders as ambiguously as I could, "a little bare…"

"But in a good location, and its cheap right? So you have more to spend on furnishings…" I could see he was struggling to come up with any good reason for Heero to move in with me. I was still a little stunned that he had said it. I guess Quatre really did know me better than I thought if he knew what I had just thought right there and then. Better not to underestimate him even though he's short and looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. I know, I know, who am I calling short, me and my five feet five inches, and proud of it!

"Yeah, I guess," I said trying to regain a little of my mischievous smile as I played with the end of my braid, "I mean if you really think that you could stand being with me for more than a day in total then it's fine with me. And y'know you can always move out if my charming personality gets to you…"

"Sounds good," Heero interrupted me to my utter shock, again.

"Unnn…okay," I corrected myself. 

"When do you move in?" Heero asked in his usual monotone, brushing his unruly bangs from his face allowing me a quick glimpse of his stunning eyes. I was so stunned by them that I was stunned that I could even breathe never mind talk.

"Tomorrow," I blurted out, "are you sure you want to –'_idiot Maxwell don't make him question himself are you crazy!! Just shut up!_'-…?

"Hai," Heero almost grunted out the word, "if you're fine with that?"

"Un huh," I replied dumbly.

I could see Quatre grinning out the corner of my eye, cheeky little swine. 

"Well, now that that's sorted," Quatre said setting his own drink down, "I'll show you to your room Heero."

Heero nodded and followed the grinning Quatre out of the room, closing the door behind him. I only caught a glimpse of him before the door closed, but I could have sworn I saw a smile on his face. 

'_SNAP OUT OF IT!_' I said hitting my head with the palm of my hand, '_why would Heero be smiling after agreeing to stay with you, sheesh, get a grip!_'

I flopped down onto the chair and waited for Quatre to come back. That's if he did come back. I could see him wondering if explaining himself was important enough to risk Shinigami's glare. But I really doubted that Shinigami was going to make an appearance tonight. Even though I had had to put up with the prissy little wench saleswoman and the crappy apartment and feeling like my eyes were going to fall out their sockets with lack of sleep and suddenly feeling unbearably hungry. Why? I was too damn happy…and confused!


	2. Changing tides

**Changing tides**

I had been riding around for hours before I finally decided to stop and make up my mind about where to go next. 

The little lay-by where I sat, head in hands, was dusty and uncomfortable, full of little stones and weeds and murky puddles. Not exactly the most comfortable place to make a life changing decision, but I didn't have much of a choice. The wind whipped the dust in my eyes, but I didn't really seem to notice. 

Faces flashed before my eyes. I closed them but the faces remained. My…friends? Could I call them that? We had been war buddies, the bond of war holding us together, to care for each other, to help each other. Now there was no war, no danger, only the long road of peace leading to some unknown end. So were we still friends, is that how it worked? Now that the bond of war was gone what was the connection between us? But this is what I been thinking about, wasn't it, all that time roaming the world, using up the funds I had stolen from OZ like water on a thirsty garden? What I should do next? 

It wasn't lack of money that had driven me back to look for my friends however, it was the loneliness. So I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself, I had denied it for two whole years. I had travelled, wondering the peaceful streets, sailing on the calm sea, riding the tranquil air. I couldn't take the quiet; I couldn't take the quiet that surrounded my life. Alright, so it took me two years to become lonely, don't say a word. I'm good at surviving on my own, but someone can only last so long before everything starts falling apart. So you never thought that you would hear that from me? Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier without a heart, without pity, the boy who needs no-one. Well, someone obviously. Especially when the world you once knew, the war you grew up in, the life you had, is now gone completely.

I stood up and walked over to my Yamaha GP. Wiping the dust from the saddle I straddled the bike, my mind finally made up. Before I set off I checked Quatre's address one more time, wondering what he would do when I turned up at his door. Probably choke and then faint. Oh well. I revved the engine and skidded out of the dusty little lay-by, determined that I would see only Quatre and then be on my way. He could fill the hole in me all by himself with that fiery optimism of his. As long as I didn't see "him_"_, everything would be fine. I didn't think I'd be able to say anything to "him". Unlike me, isn't it?

The light was failing and the sky had turned a dusky pink when I finally skidded into Quatre's driveway, handling my bike nimbly as I headed for the tarmac at the side of the house. Out of habit more than necessity I half hid my bike behind an overgrown rhododendron bush before heading for the door. 

Quatre…I hadn't seen him for two years. I wondered if he'd changed. Probably not. I hoped not. I don't think I could handle yet another random factor in my mucked up life. I needed at least a little stability or I would just go to the bridge and get it over and done with.

Reaching up for the doorbell, I hesitated. Now…I don't hesitate, it just doesn't happen. When I set my mind to something it gets done come hell or high water. So you can imagine my surprise when my stupid, usually so obedient trigger finger wouldn't ring a god damn doorbell. Well thankfully Quatre, being the strange empathic person that he is, opened the door anyway. I stood like a complete idiot, staring at him from under my too long bangs, my biker jacket and pants covered in dust and completely ragged, with my hand almost pressing the doorbell. A Kodak moment, Quatre told me later. And all he said was:

"Come in," as if he'd been expecting me. So I did.

I was glad to find Quatre the same friendly, warm individual I had known during the war. Of course he had changed physically, he'd grown a little taller, and his face was more masculine, less boyish, as was his build. However he was still enthusiastic and welcoming. Just what I needed, although I guess it didn't quite come through my cold exterior. As they say, old habits die hard. I just wanted to have some company and then leave, mission accomplished.

He let me shower before we ate and I was glad to have the dust out of my eyes for once. He asked me about where I had been for the last two years and I could see the disappointment in his face as I divulged hardly any facts about my whereabouts or my actions. In truth_ I_ wasn't even ready to deal with the conclusion I had come to while scouring the wilderness of Alaska or of Quatre's "native" Arabia, discussing it with someone else was not the first thing on my list. Instead I had him talk about everything that had transpired in my absence. It was comforting just to hear him talk of the peaceful world in which we lived with such joy and exuberance. Perhaps it gave me a little hope.

"So how are the others?" I asked.

We had moved into the sitting room with its large comfy armchairs and deep yellow wallpaper, almost the same gold as Quatre's hair.

"Fine, I think," Quatre said handing me a drink, "you missed Duo this morning and Trowa is coming to visit in a few days."

My heart stopped momentarily before regaining its normal rhythm. Just the mention of his name could do this to me? I was glad he wasn't here so that I had to talk to him. I wasn't sure if I could. I know you're thinking how much this doesn't suit my Perfect Soldier image that you remember from the war. What can I say? I've changed, even if it wasn't all voluntary.

"Wufei is working for the Preventers now, as is Duo," Quatre sighed leaning back in his chair, "Trowa and I both work on and off, sort of part time. Well Winner Enterprises keeps me busy, and Trowa helps me sometimes. He likes to travel with Catherine when he gets the time, so he can't be on call for assignments. Commander Une, for all her Ice Queen exterior, can be quite understanding."

"Hn," I grunted remembering the hair in buns tight on her head, and the wicked flash on her glasses. Would have thought she would be the last to change.

"Guess a lot is different," I mumbled staring into my drink, "I know it's what we fought for Quatre, peace and understanding, but it's so quiet sometimes…"

I tailed off, knowing Quatre was silently urging me to say more. It was the most I had said all night…but I didn't want to say anything else, didn't want to look too weak. 

"I know what you mean," Quatre offered sympathetically after a moments silence, glass clinking on glass as he poured himself another drink, "sometimes I can sit for hours just marvelling at the silence, knowing that it's not from death but from peace. It must be hard for you…"

But just then the door opened and a familiar scent flooded my nostrils. I know this is going to sound rather strange, but I knew he was there by his smell long before I turned to greet "him".

"Duo!" I had to hear Quatre say the words before the reality of it sunk in "glad you're back. Drink?"

"Nah," as soon as I heard his voice I felt a lump rise in my throat, "I'm not that thirsty," he continued in that deep husky voice of his.

I could hardly follow the short conversation as my mind swam at the thought of seeing him again. Two years. As soon as I heard his voice and felt his presence I could have sworn it had only been two minutes since we had last spoken. I thought it rather twisted that I had come to see Quatre when what had really brought me back had been Duo. I would have thought further on the subject if the words, "Duo, guess who's here?" hadn't called me back to the present. I hesitated again, the second time in the space of an hour, before standing up to look him straight in the eye.

"Duo," I said in my most monotone, unemotional voice, nodding ever so slightly at him.

He was utterly shocked. Had it really been that long? It didn't feel it to me. I could remember his annoying whistling and hanging around my shoulders as I tried to work as if it were happening right at that moment. It took him a little longer than usual to regain his cocky attitude, Quatre filling in the silence with a little explanation.

"Heero arrived about an hour ago," Quatre said, his eyes wavering in the dull lamplight "I was just as shocked and glad as you."

-Glad as you? - I repeated to myself while keeping my eyes firmly on Duo, but pushed the thought aside as I just looked at him. He, unlike Quatre, had not grown at all. He was still a little runt, his long braid dangling down to his backside and his bangs as long as ever. I could see his clear amethyst eyes staring at me intensely through his obtrusive hair, a smile growing on his lips. I answered with my usual non-committal grunts and one words answers, refusing to take my eyes from his as long as we talked. I wanted to make him feel uncomfortable under my glare, but it seemed that Duo was the only one completely impervious to it. Over use I guess.

I didn't want to seem like I was staying long, as I wasn't intending to, so I answered Quatre as casually as I could, mentioning something about finding a place to stay. I had no idea that Quatre would come out with his next suggestion. 

"Well isn't that luck. Duo's just found an apartment near the centre of town. You were just there weren't you? Didn't you say it was a double? What was it like?"

I had never thought that an opportunity like this would come up. Now I know that I said Duo Maxwell could be annoying, well _really_ annoying is closer to the mark. He doesn't tidy, he doesn't understand the words "shut up", he likes to laugh at nothing in particular and grin like a maniac for fun or spend hours running up the water bill staring at the water running from the tap. However, there is something about Duo that I find endearing. Yes, I did just say I found someone endearing, get over it. I was lonely, even though I hadn't fully admitted it to myself yet; but my subconscious took care of that. It answered for me.

"Sounds good," I said. Not exactly a commitment, and not a refusal either. Good.

I waited until he asked me if I was totally sure until I grunted out, "Hai" and asked him when he was moving in. It had happened so fast in my mind that I wasn't really sure what I had done until I was out the sitting room smiling to myself and leaving Duo in shocked silence behind me. 

'_I have definitely changed_,' was all I could think as I followed Quatre to my room,_ "I wonder if Duo knows what he's getting himself into…"_


	3. A conflict of light and dark

Disclaimer: Ja, ja I know, I don't own Gundam Wing! Don't rub it in!

Warnings: OOC, angst and errr malicious intent?

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**A conflict of light and dark**

The next morning was kinda awkward. I was still a little worried about what had happened the night before which was totally unlike me. I mean, I know I love the guy and all, but I hadn't seen him in two years, and now, all of a sudden, he's moving in with me? Too weird for words, I tell ya. 

There would have been silence around the breakfast table if reliable old Quatre hadn't been there to start up a conversation. Even though I pride myself on not holding back when I have something to say and, better late than never and all that jazz, but, when Heero and I were finally alone after Quatre had gone to the bathroom, I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt. Again. Can you see a trend developing? Okay so the first time was unintentionally missed, but that's beside the point, and besides it mucks up my trend.

 "So," I said uncharacteristically only being able to summon up a "so" from my wide vocabulary, "you sure about moving in with me?"

I know it was silly to push my luck, but I just had to be sure that I hadn't been dreaming.

"Hai," Heero mumbled while eating some weird little Japanese dish that looked like leaves.

"No where else to go huh?" I grinned.

 Heero gave me a look from under his bangs before returning to his oh-so-inedible-looking-breakfast.

"Shut up, baka," he murmured finally.

Now I know that "baka" is a Japanese insult, probably meaning "spineless urine drinker" or something of the sort, but it had been a long time since anyone had called me that, and in a nostalgic way it sounded kind of affectionate. Alright so it wasn't just a long time since _anyone_ had called me that…it was a long time since Heero had called me that, and it brought back memories. Memories of dark dorm rooms with Heero trying to get to sleep while I chattered annoyingly at him; it reminded me of swiftly closed laptops, of drinks spilt onto crotches, of punches to the stomach. Oh fond memories, oh happy days.

"If you think THAT'S gonna' work every time I start ranting," I grinned, "you should reconsider right now – '_but don't cause I'll do anything to have you stay!'_-."

"I put up with it during the war," Heero said in his monotone, "I think I might be able to handle you know that I have nothing else to focus on."

_'What a weird thing to say,' _I thought.

"Well as long as you know what you're getting into," I said pushing away my finished breakfast, "I can't stop ya."

"We should leave soon," Heero replied as if he hadn't even heard me speak, "it's a long drive."

"'Kay," I nodded, feeling that I really shouldn't push it or he might get the wrong impression and think that I didn't want him to move in. It wasn't me, after all, who thought this up in the first place. Well okay so I thought it up, but Quatre voiced it for me. I was just glad we would be riding the bikes back; I wouldn't have liked to try and make conversation with Mr. Talk-bad-kill-good Yuy for an hour and a half. He really hasn't changed. Oh well, can't have everything.

The prissy wench was standing at the door, a look on her face as if to say, "time is money, and you're not worth a cent." Quatre had helped me hire a van big enough to transport my stuff, furniture, knick knacks, electric stuff, etc, and she eyed it with a smile, obviously wondering how I was gonna fit everything into the tiny box apartment.  

"Oh yeah," I started, trying to be as friendly as I could while she stared at me like I was some crap on her shoe, "y'know how you said to inform you if I was getting a flatmate. Well, I'm telling you know. This is my flatmate, Heero Yuy."

Okay, so I did just want to say it out loud to make it official to the world that Heero Yuy liked me enough to spend more than an hour in my company.

"This is highly unorthodox Mr. Maxwell," the wench started gripping the keys to my apartment in her hand so tightly I thought that the blood would soon come gushing out, "you are supposed to give us at least three days notice before someone moves into our premises…"

"You didn't say that yesterday," I said a little testily. I just wanted to get Heero into the apartment before he changed his mind, and her pussy footing wasn't helping.

"Well I'm sorry but we can't just change our policies for any old person…"

She stopped suddenly, wavered and then faked a quick smile.

"Of course, ummm, I guess you could move your friend in as a guest while the, er, paperwork is taken care of," she swallowed and laughed nervously, pressing the keys into my hand.

I turned to give Heero and enquiring look, only to see him using his secret weapon on the unsuspecting sales woman, the evil Yuy death glare that can turn small children into stone, I tell ya. Now the woman's behaviour made sense. I half waved at her as she ran down the walkway to her car and screeched out of the car park.

"Lovely lady," I shrugged, grinning at Heero.

"Almost as annoying as you," Heero said staring at the cloud of dust she had left in her wake.

"Now that's insulting," I replied, fitting the key into the lock and twisting it until it clicked satisfyingly. My first day in my brand new apartment, with my brand new flatmate.

I knew that Duo was untidy. I had to put up with his dirty underwear turning up in the most unsavoury places and other such disgusting things when we shared dorms. So I was a little surprised at the fact that he was so fussy about where everything was placed in the apartment. His dark blue couch, after the old one found itself out in the street, was moved three times before the aggravated Duo gave up on it and left it haphazardly against the wall. I decided to sort it while he and the workmen from the removal van helped chuck everything in the bedroom and move in the washing machine, etc. Setting up the living room was easier than I thought. From the size of the van that Duo had hired, I thought that it would take hours to move all his junk. It turned out, however, that there was only a couch, a television, a side table, music centre and a box of keepsakes destined for the living room.

I sat myself down on the surprisingly bouncy couch, considering it belonged to Duo and he probably jumped on it, and listened to him fuss with every object in the apartment. Finally, after another hour of grunts and groans from the workmen, and hastily shouted orders from Duo, there was peace and quiet which I welcomed gratefully. The workmen had left, and now only Duo and I were in the apartment together…alone. Why do I still feel lonely?

"Heero, don't just sit on your ass, give me a hand with this will ya?" Duo shouted from the bedroom.

I pushed myself up from the comfy leather, the strange feeling of emptiness still clinging to me, and couldn't help but sigh at what I found in the bedroom. Duo was balancing a falling table with his leg while simultaneously trying to move his bed. Every time he tried to lower the bed he wobbled and the little picture frame on the table slid a little more. I should have smiled; it's what any normal person would have done. I should have helped him; it's what any normal person would have done. I should never have left him alone; I should never have left myself alone to face this. I shoved these futile thoughts to the back of my mind, Duo's voice bringing me back to the present.

"Well are you gonna just stand there," he blinked, laughing a little nervously, very unlike him, "or are you gonna help me?"

"I'm still deciding," I replied, beginning to enjoy myself. The sadistic side of my personality had broken through at last, as usually happened when something worried me or made me think too hard about something that should be left alone. I suppose it was a sort of defence that kicked in when I couldn't hold up the Perfect Soldier mask any longer, something that had matured over the two years I had been alone. Something that definitely should never have been allowed to grow.

"Hey, Heero!" Duo gave me an odd look and wobbled a little, his voice wavering a little as he stared into my eyes, "just take the damn table."

"Or what?" I smirked. I felt something inside me tighten; I thought I could hear someone shout from far away, it tightened a little more. But I kept on smirking, my darkness taking a stronger hold. I watched Duo more closely. I was about to laugh outright in his face when I heard the voice shout again, louder this time.

"Tomeru!" [1]

There would be no peace here. Just what I needed…just what "it" needed.

"Nani!?" Dou's voice again ripped through my dark little thoughts, the concern leaving it letting the agitation show, "stop lurking in that weird little mind of yours and catch the table or I'll have to drop it on you!"

I didn't move. My smirk grew to a sneer. I didn't want this, not now, not Duo. I couldn't hurt him, I couldn't hide…not…not now. The dark had become second nature to me, but when it got a hold on the light, it wouldn't let go without a fight. And I didn't want it, never wanted this...any of it. Never the blood, never. I didn't even move when the table slammed against my shin, insignificant pain. The small glint of light that flashed before my knee caught my eye and as my reflexes kicked in my hand was instantly around the small object before I even registered what it was. I brought it up to look at it, anything to take my mind off memories. Unfortunately all that presented itself was the picture frame that had been on the table, and more memories. Or to be more precise a lack of memories. The picture in the delicate little frame had obviously been taken after the Mariemaeia incident. Quatre was sitting upright in a pristine hospital bed, a smile on his face that showed his bravery most of all. Trowa sat on his right, his arm around the young blond, Wufei on Quatre's left, his arms folded across his chest but still smile gracing his lips. Then there was Duo, doing a good job of filling up the bottom half of the picture with his wide grin and both hands raised in the world renound gesture of peace and victory. I drank in every last detail, trying to ignore the distinctly obvious lack of my presence. I looked again at Duo's enthusiasm, envy forcing itself into my mind. The dark gained another foothold, I ignored it. 

"Quatre didn't take long to recover," Duo's voice swam into my ears, all trace of anger gone, "the wound wasn't severe, and the scar isn't even that visible anymore. It kind of upset him though, having something permanent on his body to remind him of the war, something he couldn't get rid of. Couldn't get him to go swimming for months," Duo chuckled slightly at the memory, "but he got over it, like we all did. Trowa helped him a lot."

I didn't look at Duo. Like we all did? Oh Duo, you just don't know, you could never know.

"Hn," was all I could grunt out in the end. –I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, all of you.-

"Right," Duo smiled, obviously seeing I was back to my old self again, "by the way, you're taking the couch."

"Huh?" I frowned, the sudden change of subject fully tearing me away from my own thoughts.

"Tonight, until we get you a bed, you're gonna have to take the couch, kay?" Duo said over his shoulder as he walked from the room, "since you think it's so comfy to sit on and watch your flatmate slave from."

"Fine," I answered, no trace of emotion, just like it was supposed to be.

"Oh yeah," Duo continued to chatter as he walked into the living room and flicking through some things in a random box, "I'm gonna get take out since the kitchen's all out of order and I can't be bothered cooking anyways, so what do you want?"

"Anything," I replied slumping down on the couch.

"Cool, I get to choose," Duo stroked his chin so as to fake thought and then clicked his fingers unconvincingly, "then it's pizza."

He swung around quickly making his braid bounce off the wall like a bungee rope, "hope you don't mind!"

"Iie," I said flatly, turning on the television. As long as I wasn't alone, nothing really mattered.

[1] Tomeru = stop

AN: The plot thickens *evil smirk*! I'll dive into Heero's whereabouts during his absence later, and it isn't going to be pretty I can tell you! Please R&R!


	4. Discoveries

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters and bow to those wise, noble people who created them!

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Warnings: OOC, angst, sap

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**Discoveries**

"Well if I had known you didn't like Pizza, I wouldn't have ordered it would I?" I sighed staring at Heero as he eyed the sloppy slice in his hands a little uncertainly.

"Whatever," he murmured in reply.

I could almost see the perfect soldier in him saying, "_Sustenance is sustenance_".

Well, whatever finally persuaded my picky little flatmate, Heero suddenly stuffed the drooping end of the slice into his mouth and bit it off ravenously pulling cheese and peppers and mushrooms with it.

I had to laugh as the pristine oh-so-sombre-soldier Heero Yuy glared at the pizza in his hand as if it had interfered with his mission to eat it. He ignored me as I giggled to myself and tried futilely to separate the cheese, only succeeding in pulling it further apart.

"Here," I said with a laugh, not being able to take the look on his face much longer.

Reaching out to the unruly strands of melted cheese I snapped them effortlessly, taking the dangling strands and pushing them into Heero's mouth. I threw the others back into the box and then sat back to get a better view of the television. It was only as I reached out for my own slice that I realised that I had just put my fingers into Heero's mouth. In his mouth, oh god, now I'd done it. I could envision the "omae o korosu's" and threats…but somehow I managed to completely miscalculate his reaction. Heero remained silent, and when I glanced quickly at him he didn't even seem to have noticed. During the war a mere tap on the shoulder was enough to merit a kick in the shin from Heero, and now here I was stuffing my fingers into his mouth and he didn't even blink. Oh well, the guys a mystery to me, what more can I say? Well actually I could say a lot more but I wasn't going to bore you with the particulars, so we'll just leave it at that, 'kay? You want more? Well alright, just a little…

I have to say that what Heero had revealed to me that night, just after I'd ordered our dinner, had been a shock. He seemed to have been doing that a lot lately, and it was getting annoying.

"Duo," he'd said to me, "you work for the Preventers?"

The way he'd said it however was more like a statement than a question, all that old authority seeping back into his voice as he went into interrogation mode.

"Eh, yeah," I had said trying to tear my mind away from the drool worthy thought of pizza, "why'd you ask?"

"I want to work there," he'd said matter-of-factly before leaning back on the couch and flipping through a book sitting beside him.

I nearly choked. Heero was being so sudden with all of his revelations lately, not giving me any warning at all.

"Well, umm, okay," I had stalled, "err…why?"

"Will you help me or not," he'd asked totally avoiding my question.

So I hadn't pressed any further, knowing from the look on his face that I wasn't going to get anywhere with him when he was being this evasive. I had just nodded and then plopped myself down on the couch to chew over the information in silence. Heero wanted to join the Preventers? But why? I would have thought that working for an agency, under the command of ex-enemies, having to live out his old life all over again…wouldn't that be hard? Yet when had Heero ever opted for the easy path? I continued to silently brood as Heero sat beside me reading and ignoring my introspective mood.

In fact we managed to sit in complete silence until the pizza arrived, the only alleviation of the tense silence being the occasional turning of a page. I managed to get so lost in my thoughts that I nearly jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang, grinning sheepishly at Heero in embarrassment. He hadn't even noticed however, not even looking up from his book as I retrieved our dinner.

I thought about it later that night as I lay in bed, unable to sleep. In the middle of the night I had woken, this odd feeling of nostalgia gnawing at my brain, refusing to let me slip off into dreamland. I knew I shouldn't have but I got up then and opened the bedroom door and then went back to bed. What's so bad about that? I hear you ask. Well, with the door open I had a clear view into the living room, and the couch where Heero was sleeping. It's sad I know, and kind of a strange thing to do, but I liked to watch him sleep. The only time he ever seems totally peaceful. Again the haunted look that I had seen in his eyes earlier that day flashed into my mind. I hadn't liked what I had seen there; too much turmoil was hiding behind those frosty orbs, too much hidden feeling. But the smirking had unnerved me even more, the cruelty I thought I had seen flicker in Heero's eyes, melting through the frost. My thought's faltered as I looked back at the calm face of the sleeping Heero. Maybe it was just my imagination…

"Sleep well," I finally murmured before finally drifting into sleep once more.

 AN: Not quite sure what this chapter is supposed to do! Not much plot and it's very short, so I guess it's just a link with a little character expansion thrown in for good measure! Next will be longer, please R&R!


	5. Preventers

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing so din't sue me for making them do my twisted bidding, please?

Warnings: OOC,

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**Preventers******

Thankfully I woke first the next day. I knew that Heero would probably not figure out my little night time habit, but I was still a little paranoid. Hey, I'm in love, bite me. I showered, washed my hair, dried my hair, brushed my hair, braided my hair, dressed and finished breakfast all before Heero even opened his eyes. Now this was strange, Heero was always up before me. When we used to share dorm rooms back during the war it was always the sound of Heero slamming the door as he left that woke me up. So it felt kind of nice to be able to do the same to him.

"Wake up!" I said slamming the door to the living room, hardly able to keep the smile off my face as Heero leapt from the couch like he was being shot at or something, only wearing his boxers nonetheless, "oh good you're up already."

"What time is it?" he asked me gruffly, picking up his clothes sack and rummaging through it.

"Eight thirty," I answered, "We don't have to be in till nine thirty though, Une told me that we should come in after the rush to get you all signed up and I've got nothing important on."

"Hn," Heero nodded pulling out some jeans and a shirt.

I took one look at the clothes and had to use a lot of willpower not to slap my forehead with resignation. Sometimes this guy was just too much…

"You're wearing that?" I asked, opting for just leaning against the wall instead of pummelling my head off of it.

"Why not?" he asked looking at me with a semi-glare.

"Well, even though she's not as bad as she used to be, she's still Lady Une y'know; and I think you might want to wear something a little more formal than jeans to a job interview."

He stuffed his jeans back in his bag and muttered, "I don't have anything formal."

"Well hey, borrow something of mine," I said shrugging.

"Duo," he said sighing, his lips twitching slightly in what could have been regarded a smile on anyone else but Heero Yuy, "you're much shorter than me."

"Not that much shorter!" I retorted, pulling myself up to my full height, "and our legs are about the same length."

"Okay, okay," Heero said walking towards me and shoving me down off my toes, the smallest of laughs escaping his lips, "what do you have?"

I was, how so I put it, a little stunned. I would never have thought I would see Heero laugh at something so trivial, especially something _I_ had done! I mean, all the times I had tried to shift that stubborn stoic look from his face during the war, failing miserably, and now it was as easy as look at him with mock indignance and he would break out in a laugh. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions when I say he hasn't changed because there is definitely something different about him...

-_That smile_- I thought dreamily as I dug through my drawers to find something suitable, but my slight smile faded as I remembered back further -_but yesterday, that look in his eyes_…-

…even if the change wasn't all for the best.

"If you would take a seat over there please, I'll let Commander Une know that you are here," the receptionist smiled as she pointed to a cluster of seats at the far end of the room.

"Sure, thanks," I said giving her a wink.

Heero was already sitting down when I turned round, staring around him at the pictures on the walls, the Preventer agents as they walked through the corridors, chatting, arguing, generally going about their business.

"You alright?" I asked him as I took the seat to his right.

"I'm fine," he answered with a nod, hesitating a little before adding "it's just a little new."

"You get used to the smell don't worry," I grinned, but failed to make him smile this time.

"No, that's not what I meant," he said shaking his head, "I mean, I've never really worked for a company before. In a way we were a team, the Gundam's, we were a team, but this…feels different."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, it's not the same," I sighed, not wanting him to feel out of place, "but it's just as good. It might seem odd at first but you'll see that it really is the same sort of team as we Gundam's were once, just, well, bigger! You'll have to wait and see who you get paired up with for a partner, too."

"I won't be with you?" he asked, seeming a little annoyed. 

-_I should be so lucky_…-.

"Nah, I've already got a partner," I said as nonchalantly as I could, he was saying more right then than he'd said since I'd met him and I didn't want to jolt him out of it "I'm with Wufei, room 307. You'll be fine though, everyone gets along…_if _you let your partner get along with you that is."

"Hn," Heero grunted, slipping out of his chatty mood right back into his usual routine. 

Darn.

"Whoever they are they'll be getting used to _that_ phrase very soon," I grinned.

"Mr.Maxwell, Mr.Yuy?" the receptionists voice floated over, "Commander Une will see you now."

"Thanks," I said as we walked into the lush office, giving the receptionist another cheerful wink. So I'm a flirt, I can't help it!

Commander Une was walled up behind the tonnes of files that littered themselves across her desk. She looked tired, much more than usual, but she still kept up her façade of steel. I kind of admired her for what she was capable of, but what she had done in the past made it hard for me to like her. I kept my smile, however, as I walked up to stand in front of her desk with Heero silent at my side.

"Heero Yuy," she said looking at him, her business tone setting in, "it's good to see you are alright after your sudden disappearance, we could only fear the worst."

"Really?" Heero said in his usual monotone. I nudged him in the shin out of the view of Une, "thank you."

"If you wish to join us there are some forms that need filling out, some tests that need to be run…"

"Tests?" Heero interrupted, looking a little dubious.

"Just a routine check up, psyc test," Une waved her hand casually.

"You think I'm not up to it?" Heero cocked his head, "guess I'll just have to prove you wrong."

"Heh," I said scratching the back of my head and giving Une an uncertain look, "you do that buddy. So, who's the lucky partner for Mr. Yuy here?"

"Right, well," Une said with a frown, obviously as thrown by Heero's random statement as I was, "I haven't quite gotten round to that since you're not even in the database yet. I have no reason to believe you will not pass the entrance tests and I have already had all the necessary background checks run and everything checks out. So all I can say now is, welcome to the Preventers."

Une extended her hand, and for a moment I thought I was going to have to kick Heero under the table again to make him take it. Thankfully Heero extended his own hand and shook Une's, even if only briefly.

"Fine," she said smiling, "if you would take him to the examination room Duo, then could you find Wufei and come straight back, I have something that needs taking care of."

"Sure," I smiled while leading Heero to the door, "be right back."

As we walked along the whitewashed corridors I felt a little uneasy. Heero's comment hadn't been that out of character, but still he was acting a little strange. I guessed his cockiness was just a mechanism to stop him from shutting up tight and speaking in grunts. He liked Une as much as I did, but even then it was unlike Heero to give anyone special treatment, especially an ex-enemy.

"What was all that about?" I asked more out of curiosity than concern.

"What?" Heero said innocently as he walked at my side, his feet in step with my own.

"Hey, don't play dumb with me," I grinned, "I know she's not your favourite person, but she's your new boss. No need to get cocky."

"Hn," Heero looked away dismissively, "I just don't like tests."

"Ohhh, a weakness huh! Didn't know you had any of those."

"Baka," Heero shook his head and sighed, "this it?"

"Yup," I said stopping outside a large red door and typing in a pass code on the lock, "I'll come and meet you after if you want."

Heero nodded to me and then walked through the door. I knew I shouldn't have said it but I couldn't help but call out:

"Have fun!"

And then run away. His reply of "Baka" was cut short as the door slammed shut. I knew he'd forget about it by the end of the day, either that or I'd pay for it later on.

I found Wufei in the canteen, a large bowl of miso soup steaming enticingly in front of him.

"Sorry partner," I grinned as he jumped, scowling at me for sneaking up on him, "but Une wants to talk to us, sounds urgent."

"Can't it wait?" Wufei snapped taking a large spoonful of his soup and sighing as it rolled down his throat.

"I guess," I shrugged, "but I'm not dealing with your ranting when she fires your sorry ass. I'll be in the waiting room, just don't be long 'kay?"

"Fine," Wufei said eating his soup in double fast time, not spilling a drop; he stopped however to add, "Hey Maxwell!"

"Huh?" I said stopping in my tracks and turning back.

"Who was that you came in with? The dark haired guy?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot you didn't know," I said with a smile, "Heero's back."

Most things don't bother me. I'm very good at masking my emotions. Call it a talent, call it a deficiency, call it what you like but it's helped me through the hardest times in my life and I wasn't planning on it letting me down now.

"If you would just hold this in your mouth and peddle as fast as you can on the bike," the doctor drawled as I straddled the training bike, wires dripping off me like tentacles.

I did as she asked and let my mind wonder as my legs pumped monotonously around and around. I wonder if she'll see through it during the psychological analysis. _I _wasn't even prepared to think about my own feelings, never mind discuss them with a complete stranger. I just hoped I didn't have a stupid episode, that I could keep it under control. I ignored the wide eyes of the doctor as I skipped off the bike letting the respiratory analyser swing dejectedly from the handle bars.

"Next?" I asked flatly.

"Um…well, let's…see," she stuttered, "treadmill."

Same routine as always, same conclusion as always. Better than best, better than human and consequently…not human. That's all I can reason from that sort of statement. It doesn't bother me any more. I expect it.

"Well," the doctor's voice cut through my thoughts, "I don't think I need any more convincing about your physical capabilities Mr. Yuy. You know, I've never quite seen anything so remarkable…"

"Save it," I said flatly trying not to let my tone slip into a growl.

She started at my glare and hurriedly ushered me into a small room for the psyc test. Again it was routine, the same questions, the same unemotional responses, god I was bored. I wondered what Une had been so desperate to speak to Duo and Wufei about? I wonder who I'd be paired off with? Oh well, never mind, in the end it doesn't really matter. 

"Well, everything seems to check out Mr. Yuy, you've passed with flying colours," the doctor beamed at me, "well done."

-Go and flush your head down a toilet, - I felt like saying, but I would never say anything like that, so instead I said "Hn" and nodded. She told me that she would contact Une but that I should go and see her with these results. She handed them to me telling me I could look at them if I liked, as if she had any power over what I did. I walked out with the wad of paper in my hand. I didn't even bother to look through them; I already knew what it said.

-Extra ordinary physical abilities and stamina. Lacks out going personality, rather introverted but psychologically stable.-

I must be predictable if I was second guessing myself. I leaned up against the wall and waited for Duo. I didn't want to go back to see Une on my own, in case something went wrong. I didn't have to wait long.

"So, how'd it go?" Duo asked cheerfully as he and Wufei walked up to me.

"The usual," I shrugged, nodding toward the Chinese pilot I added, "Wufei."

"Yuy," Wufei nodded back, "where have you been hiding."

"No where of interest," I replied shrugging my shoulders, "why does everybody care so much?"

"Well you've only been gone for two years I suppose," Duo said sarcastically flicking his bangs out of his eyes, "they need to go to Une?"

"Hai," I nodded looking down at the papers in my hand.

"Can I look?" Duo grinned mischievously. 

"Oh right, because I would do that wouldn't I, let you see the inside of my head?" I said trying not to smile and failing. What can I say, Duo's infectious.

"The inside of "Omae-O-Korosu Yuy's" head huh? Sounds scary," Duo chuckled falling into step at my side, Wufei walking on the other side of Duo, "I guess I don't want to know."

"So you've signed up with us, Yuy," I heard Wufei state from behind Duo, "why? I would have thought you would bee the last person I'd see donning a Preventers uniform after your disappearance."

"Why is everyone underestimating me today?" I sighed turning my head to look into Wufei's dark eyes, "Why do you care anyway? Doesn't it fit in with your ideals of justice?"

"What do you mean by that?" Wufei snapped, looking away.

"That I would end up defending the world I helped create, -_even though I can hardly stand to be here in this silence_-." 

"Hey, not on your own, we helped to y'know," Duo said hitting my arm before placing both his hands behind his head and pouting.

Wufei snorted. We walked the rest of the way to Une's office in silence. Great.

AN: Heh heh, I have always seen Duo as the type of person who would have as much of a lie-in in the morning as possible! A man after my own heart ^-^ ! But yeah, uhhh, more scary Heero outbreaks to come! Please R&R!


	6. In pursuit of happiness

Disclaimer: Getting fed up of these things already *sigh*. Okay, I don't own Gundam Wing, yadda yadda yadda…

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**Warnings: OOC, angst**

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**Chapter 6**

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**In pursuit of happiness**

"Master Quatre?" Rashid's voice sprung me from sleep, my eyes darting open and my senses heightening with instinct. Howard stepped into the room and looked down at me with affectionate eyes.

"Sleeping on the job?" he said folding his arms and nodding to the unfinished ledger on the computer.

"I guess I just fell asleep," I yawned rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "I should have done it earlier."

"You've been working too hard lately," Rashid shook his head as he spoke, "but now you have some help at least. Master Trowa has just arrived. He's waiting in the sitting room."

"Trowa's here?" I could feel the sleep slowly slipping away, I felt so glad, "great. I'll go see him now. Would you have a room prepared for him?"

"Of course Master Quatre," Rashid nodded.

"Thanks Rashid," I said over my shoulder as I dashed off to meet Trowa.

I hadn't seen him in months. He'd been away on an assignment from Une, surveillance of a possible threat building on colony L3. It had turned out to be nothing the Preventers couldn't handle, thankfully, but it had meant that Trowa was stuck out in space for three months. I for one was glad he was back. I tried to ignore the gnawing feeling that ate away at me when Trowa left, but I could never shake it. It sounds stupid, I know, but even when I was surrounded by people and friends, I felt alone.

He was staring out of the window when I entered the large over furnished room. His tall figure was barely discernable against the dark of the windows and he didn't turn as I closed the door. Trowa always wore dark, like he was constantly in mourning, and even though he had opened up a lot after the war, letting his feelings be known cautiously to the world, he couldn't seem to shake his old habits, his dress code being one of them.

"Trowa?" I said walking up behind him, "hey, are you alright?"

"Have you ever wondered where we go when we die Quatre?" he asked without looking at me, his green eyes shining.

"What?" I said a little dumbly, completely thrown by the question. Well I mean, it is kind of weird to turn up at your friend who you haven't seen for month's house and start philosophising before you've even said "hello."

"I guess I've never really thought about it," I said shrugging slightly, "why'd you ask?"

Trowa shook his head and stared down at the glass in front of him; he reached out a slender finger and began tracing patterns across the cold surface of the window.

"When we were on L3, my partner was shot and killed" Trowa said flatly, "there was a service held and I was invited, I felt obliged to go, and it got me thinking about it. Strange really, it's not as if I've never encountered death before, but somehow this was different."

Trowa retracted his hand and placed it back in his jeans pocket.

"I'm sorry Trowa," I said soothingly placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort. 

"Sorry to bother you with this," he sighed, obviously seeing my confusion.

"You never bother me Trowa," I smiled genuinely at him, "you know I'm always here if you need to talk, about anything."

He looked at me and nodded, a slight smile gracing his lips.

"Arigatou Quatre," he said quietly.

"You want to talk about it some more?" I asked him as comfortingly as I could.

"I'd rather not dwell on it," Trowa said softly shaking his head, "tell me, has anything interesting happened while I've been away?" he asked changing the subject.

"Well now that you mention it, something did happen," I said, glad that I had some good news for my friend, "Heero turned up a couple of days ago, showed up at my door out of the blue."

"Heero?" Trowa started, staring at me a little too intensely for Trowa, "Heero's back?"

"Yes, yes he just turned up at my door…" I trailed off as Trowa turned his face away, staring out of the window, his chestnut bang hiding his reaction from me.

When he spoke again his voice was once again level and contained. 

"I haven't seen him for over two years. How is he?"

"Same old Heero," I shrugged leaning against the window pane and staring out into the darkness with Trowa, "he seemed a little, dare I say it, lonely. Duo found a flat near the centre of town, Heero moved in with him."

"You're right," Trowa said even more flatly "that is interesting. Guess he has changed a little then. He's the last person I would have guessed would move in with Duo…"

"Yeah," I agreed looking at Trowa's reflection in the dark glass, -_we've all changed_.-

"So, how long are you planning on staying?" I asked casually, pushing up off the window sill and heading for the drinks cabinet, hoping to relieve the mood.

"Now that you mention it, I was wondering if it wouldn't be to much trouble if I stayed a little longer this time around," I heard Trowa say softly as I poured out a glass of water.

"Stay as long as you like," I smiled offering him a glass, he shook his head, "so how long? A couple of weeks?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a couple of months," Trowa said flatly.

I choked on my water and blushed as Trowa smiled at my reaction.

"Gomen," I said putting the water down and coughing, "that's fine."

"Arigatou Quatre," Trowa said thumping me on the back till I stopped spluttering, "I won't bother you any longer than is necessary."

"Trowa…," I started to protest, but he only smiled again and nodded.

"Force of habit," he said.

I nodded and laughed weakly, "Are you hungry?" I asked changing the subject.

"Not really," he answered a little hesitantly, "just tired."

"Your usual room is being done up at the moment, but there's one on the top floor you can take. It should be prepared if you want to go to it now."

Trowa nodded and picked up his bag. I turned back to look out of the window as he left, my head feeling clearer and my body less strained.

"Goodnight Quatre," Trowa's voice drifted into my ears. I turned to see him standing in the doorway staring intently at me.

"Goodnight Trowa," I said suppressing a frown as he closed the door silently behind him as he left.

I'm not trying to imply that Trowa is rude or unfriendly in any way but it is strange to see him indulging in small talk. I think he likes to keep himself to himself, and you can usually tell what he means just from a look, so he doesn't even have to say it. Even though he never wishes me "goodnight", I always seem to know that he does from the nod he might give me or the slight smile. He was acting a little strange, but then there was a lot on his mind. I sighed as I stared out into the dark star spangled night, my breath condensing on the window. I stared at it, noticing that I had happened to breathe where Trowa had been running his finger over the glass, and I was a little confused by what I saw. It was a small Japanese character which when roughly translated meant, "happiness."

-----------------------------------------------

"So you find out who your new partner is yet?" I asked my silent friend as he sat still and upright across from me.

"No," Heero replied as deftly flicked the five small balls floating, suspended in a magnetic field, on my desk.

The small silver balls flicked back and forth their calm symmetry echoing Heero's own cool attitude. I started to feel that I was more nervous than he was about our ignorance concerning the identity of Heero's new partner; he was so calm and unaffected. I guess I had good reason to be worried though…more for the new partner than for Heero. I mean, he's a great guy but, even after five years of going to hell and back with him, he had only just started to open up to me. This new guy was gonna have a hell of a job on his hands.

"Soooooo, um…" I started, not really having anything to say, "you feel okay with this?"

"With what?" Heero calmly drew his eyes from the small kinetic ornament and stared straight into my own.

"Ughhhh…" I mentally slapped myself to bring my mind back to reality; that man could be too seductive for his own good, just one look and I was jelly all over, "being a Preventer now. I mean it was a quick decision on your part. You kinda just turned up, um, moved in with me and then…"

"Duo you really shouldn't worry about me," Heero shook his head imperceptibly looking back down to the swinging silver orbs, the light dancing on their frictionless surfaces, reflecting in his eyes.

"Right…" I sighed and looked at my watch, "wonder what's taking them so…"

Suddenly the door to mine and Wufei's office cracked open, a gentle draft snaking through the gap and around my ankles making me shiver. It slowly swung tantalizingly open, as if what was behind it was a long held mystery just waiting to be discovered. I blinked at the silhouetted figure, my eyes having to adjust to the bright lighting in the corridor before the figures face melted into view.

"Is this Duo Maxwell's office?" the young officer asked with a shy smile.

"Huh? Oh, eh…yeah, yeah," I said, collecting my wits.

A…girl? Why did that thought not enter my mind? Oh boy.

"Come in," I said standing to greet her.

"Arigatou," she nodded her head gently and stepped into the office, the door closing slowly behind her.

She was only a little taller than myself; her crisp blond hair tied back into a tight bun revealing her small oval face. Her eyes were big and dewy, sky blue in colour with snow white frosty spikes radiating from the inky pool at the centre. Her petite mouth was quirked into a small smile as she shook my hand, her elfin nose wrinkling as her smile broke into a full grin at some stupid remark made by yours truly. Her skin was silky smooth and creamy coloured and unblemished in any way. Trainees, you gotta love 'em.

"My name is Melissa Jaden," she smiled sweetly nodding again (must be a nervous thing) to both Heero and I.

I nodded back matching her smile. Heero sat and looked at her calculatingly. I really wish he wouldn't size up everyone who walks into the room. Threat assessment isn't exactly a nice way to greet someone.

"I'm Duo Maxwell," I said congenially, "and this is your new partner, Heero Yuy."

"Pleased to meet you," Heero said in his best monotone, mimicking her nod.

"Likewise," she said, not a hint of malice in her clear voice.

Jees, she was so sweet. Like an innocent little girl, sent into a training school for killers. Okay, not like, she was. Damn, I hate this. Why can't Heero get some hardened grunt for a partner, someone who doesn't need looking after, someone who doesn't need support? I knew, from the unemotional way in which Heero had greeted her, and also the years of experience with my stoic comrades tightly masked emotions, that she would not be getting any support from him. Damn, Une shouldn't leave decisions like this to her secretary. I would talk with her later. In the meantime, I would deal with this on my own. You never know, this partnership could work, Heero Yuy could prove me wrong…one of these days.

"So," I said casually kicking Heero in the foot trying in vain to get him out of his chair, "now you two kids have met, why don't we get down to business. I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to go through your record because our ever so efficient records office didn't send it up; but I can do that later. Meanwhile, I am supposed to brief you on you first mission. It's nothing hard, just general reconnaissance. It's at Garwell industrial estate; Une wants you to check it out. Here's the briefing."

I handed the report to Heero and he took it without a word, flicking through the pages while Melissa peered over his shoulder. I sighed mentally and subtly gave him another nudge. He glared up at me then handed the report to his partner. Now, the thing about the Heero Yuy death glare that I swear could make a grown man cry like a baby when over exposed has no effect on me. It used to scare me, made Heero seem too unfeeling and even more capable of blowing your head from your shoulders, but once I got to know him I realised that it was all an act. This time however, there was such intensity behind that stare, something dark and malevolent raging like a maelstrom behind those frosty orbs. It made me shudder, just like I had the first time Heero had used his secret weapon on me. I shook myself mentally and broke my eyes away from his.

"You have ten hours to prepare; and Heero you have to report to Harry to get your uniform and badge and gun, etc, etc," I waved my hand about and leaned against my desk, all casual and cool like.

"Hai," Heero grunted ignoring me and standing stiffly to walk out the office.

I stopped him with a pained look, flicking my eyes in Melissa's direction as the young trainee stood hands clasped in front of her, looking all too shy and vulnerable. I could see right through her tough attitude, and I wished to god that there was nothing behind it in the first place. Heero looked to her and nodded his head again, somewhat disgruntled.

"Shikkei," he said quickly and then swept from the room, leaving it cold as if he had never even been in it at all.

I blinked in his wake, left alone with his new partner looking rather dazed and forlorn. I really just wished that I didn't have to make him do these things; I wished that they would just come naturally to him. But I guess he kinda closes up when he meets new people. Speaking of new people, I was ignoring the trainee.

"Uh, he's a great guy once you get to know him," If you get to know him, ever, I thought to myself, scratching the back of my head nervously, "really, he's just, uh, shy."

"He looks a little too…fierce, to be shy," Melissa smiled, "but I'll take your word for it. Thank you for the introduction, and the, um, report."

"That's alright," I nodded, beginning to feel like a pigeon the way I was nodding everywhere, "and, hey, if you ever need any help, even just to talk, just drop by, I always have time to talk."

She shook my hand and thanked me again, her bright eyes shining and full of enthusiasm. Aww heck! She turned to leave, but just as she was stepping through the doorway she turned back to me, a questioning glint in her eye.

"I do have one question," she said cautiously, her brow furrowing in thought.

"Shoot," I said folding my arms.

She looked into my eyes and then smiled, her look of awkwardness flying from her features, "Shikkei?" she asked.

I grinned back, "Oh, right, it's Japanese for, well a casual "goodbye". Heero does that sometimes, slips into Japanese, just hit him if he does it too often. Actually don't! Heh, that's what I do, but I have good reflexes for leaping out the way of his fists. But you said Arigatou, right? So you know a little Japanese?"

"Yes, a little," she confirmed, "little being the foremost word in that sentence though."

She giggled (ahhhh no more sweet and innocent stuff I'll go crazy!) and then thanked me. I told her not to worry, and then watched forlornly as she closed the door behind her and went off to prepare for her first mission with Heero.

AN: I'm not sure if Shikkei means what I think it means, so please don't kick my ass if it's wrong, please! My Japanese isn't exactly up to scratch *blushes*. But yeah please R&R, and more angst will be up soon nyuk nyuk nyuk…


	7. Resurgence of memory

Disclaimer: I don't own *sniff* Gundam Wing *sniff*, or any of the *sniff* characters, so don't*sniff* sue *wails*! Don't rub it in already, wahhhh!

Warnings: OOC, language, mental craziness, blood, psychotic tendencies, scenes of a disturbed nature…heh heh heh! 

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**Chapter 7**

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**Resurgence of memory**

"So you put her with Heero!!" I really didn't want to end up shouting at my boss, but this was ludicrous!

"It was the most rational choice. He has an excellent record, astounding abilities and an almost unswerving devotion to duty," Une countered, the only sign of anger being the slight narrowing of her eyes.

"And the fact that he's been missing for two years!?" I shot back, "We have absolutely no idea where he's been or what has happened to him. He could be a psycho for all we know, he could have been brainwashed…"

"That is what the psych tests are there for and the wave modulator would have detected such tampering…Duo," she sighed exasperatedly, leaning forward on her desk and clasping her hands to adopt her business manner, "Heero is the best possible choice to look after Councillor Jaden's daughter."

"I don't think you know what you're saying…" I started but she cut me off before I could even begin to define the reasons for the doubts rolling around in my mind.

"Special Agent Maxwell if you continue to question my authority I will have no option but to suspend you until your sense of discipline is restored," Une's glasses flashed and her eyes narrowed further.

"Ah Une, you know well fine I didn't have one of those in the first place," I smirked shoving my hands in my pockets and returning Une's glare.

"Unfortunately I am well aware of this," Une sighed and removed her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose in agitation.

"Look, Commander, please," I put on my best pleading face and stared hard into her eyes, "just let me and Wufei go with them, to supervise, please."

"No, absolutely not," Une almost growled, becoming more defensive by the second, "I am not going to send two of my best agents out on a field reconnaissance mission which can easily be handled by Heero Yuy and his partner Melissa Jaden! Listen Maxwell, you have three reports to hand in by five tomorrow, one of them has an extension and you want to go play baby-sitter for Heero Yuy! Think again. Now get out of my office before I throw you out."

"Fine," I snarled angrily stalking to the door and flinging it open, "I can tell when I'm not wanted."

I was not exactly in the best of moods when I flung myself back into my office five minutes later. Well I mean Une of all people! She should know damn better than to do a stupid thing like this! I began to wonder if maybe Melissa's father had specially requested Heero to be his daughter's partner or something equally as horribly annoying. After the war, even though he wasn't there to see it, Heero was praised as a worldwide hero along with the rest of us. I mean he did do just as much to save the planet as all of us after all, if not more. He was idolised, his ideals put up on a pedestal and gaped at. So it wouldn't surprise me if stupid Councillor Jaden had decided "That's the man for _my_ daughter!" Asshole.

Not long after I got back Wufei turned up, striding into the office as if he wasn't three hours late for checking in. I looked at him for an explanation, but instead he ignored me and threw himself into his chair, an all too satisfied smile on his face. I decided that my stare wasn't working and so just asked him instead. Oh come on, since when have I been subtle!

"So, on another mission with Sally, huh?" I grinned teasingly cupping my face in my hands and leaning on my desk.

"That is classified," Wufei lied blatantly, enjoying every minute of it, "but what about Heero's new partner? Have you met him yet?"

"I know your just trying to change the subject Wu-man," I continued teasing, ignoring his deadly growl at the mention of his pet-name, "but I'll tell you anyway. Well, they seem nice enough, for a green, wet-behind-the-ears, inexperienced rookie. Oh and it's not a guy, it's a girl."

"A girl," Wufei scoffed, "with Heero Yuy. This should be interesting. I don't think he'll be able to stand working with a girl, you know how Heero is with weakness."

"Hey, she's not weak, alright, or she doesn't seem to be," I know I hardly knew the girl, but Wufei's sexist statements always got my back up, they were just so…sexist, "I would have thought that you'd have changed all this "weak woman" stuff after working with Sally."

"Sally Po is a very unique woman," Wufei snapped, becoming all defensive and terse as he always did when someone took a dig at his lovebird, "and she is not weak, unlike some."

"Are you trying to tell me that you think Une is weak? Or Noin for that matter? What about Reelena?" I said spreading my arms questioningly.

"They are all special cases, and anyway, they all have the womanly affliction of weakness when it comes to love," Wufei turned on his laptop and opened an old report, obviously trying to get me to drop it.

"Ohhh, and Sally doesn't have that with you?" I smirked crossing my arms and snickering.

Before he could reprimand me for my bold statement the sound of polite knocking resounded through the tense air. I shook my head at Wufei's fuming gaze and pushed off the desk towards the door. Well, weren't we just the popular one's getting so many visitors. I wondered who had come to annoy me now, hoping that it wasn't Une to lecture me about handing in my report late, or not signing something in triplicate, or something equally as dull. I was however pleasantly surprised as I opened the door.

"Quatre! Hey buddy, what are you doing here?" I grinned from ear to ear stepping aside to let the small blond enter, only to notice that Trowa was standing just out of sight, "hey Trowa, quit hiding back there and get in here too!"

I swear that guy was so quiet sometimes that you didn't even notice he was there. Kinda creepy at times, but it was always good to see him; especially at a tense moment; he could cut through it like a knife and dissolve any malice, even in Wufei which was a feat to be praised, I tell you!

"Hello Duo, Wufei," Quatre smiled at us both and leaned back against the wall, his ankles crossed, "how are you?"

"Fine, just indulging in some friendly heated discussion," I smiled; Wufei rolled his eyes and shook his head, nodding to Trowa in greeting as the brunette looked at him questioningly.

"But you haven't answered my question," I said sitting on my desk so as to give our guests a seat, "what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming for another couple of days Trowa." 

"My mission ended earlier than expected," the brunette answered quietly, "so I decided to come down earlier than I had intended."

"Well, that's time off then! Why aren't you lazing about beside some pool, or at the circus or something infinitely more interesting than work?"

"We were in the neighbourhood," Trowa smiled slightly as he set my little kinetic ornament on my desk to work. 

Sometimes he and Heero were so alike in mind it scared me, yet there was always more interest in Trowa's eyes when he did something, fascination; Heero's always seemed…dead.

"Well, we had to come into town to get some things, and we had to come and pick up some files for Trowa's report, so we thought we'd come visit," Quatre explained shrugging his shoulders.

"Glad you did Q-man, or I would have been Wufei toast," I sniggered, "but, well, this gives us a chance to catch up huh?"

"Sure," Quatre shrugged, "as long as I'm not keeping you from work, Une can be rather, um, foreboding at times."

"Nah, I'm not busy," I said scratching the back of my head, "hey, why don't we go grab Heero and get something to eat?"

"Do you think about nothing but your stomach Maxwell?" Wufei chided, his eyes not moving from the screen in front of him.

"Sure I do!" I pouted, flicking an unruly bang behind my ear, "I give my hair my undivided attention."

"Is that why is looks like some birds are nesting on your head?" Wufei smirked.

I opened my mouth to retort, but Quatre interrupted me with a laugh.

"How do you two ever get any work done, never mind work together," Quatre shook his head in disbelief as Trowa stood silently at his side, humour flickering in his one visible eye.

"Ah we're only kidding around, right Wu-man?" I winked; Wufei sighed and did his best to ignore me, "so let's get Heero and go."

"Would you like to join us?" Quatre offered to Wufei; he's always the gentleman, which I always forget to be so it's handy to have him around.

"Unlike Maxwell I actually have some work to do, so thank you but no," Wufei said inclining his head to Quatre who returned the gesture.

"Alright!" I said a little over enthusiastically, "Let's go!"

----------------------

I couldn't believe it. Couldn't be her. Why not, everything else that had happened to me, why couldn't this happen.

_Blood, covering my hands, everything…red. Make it stop! Why wont it…the pain, oh…god!!_

But not now, everything's alright now, just like before the dark. Walking down the street you couldn't see the blood smearing the alleyway, I'm safe…safe,safe,safe. No one here to hurt me.

"Except me," came the all too familiar croon.

"Leave me alone!" I silently screamed clutching my hands to my temples.

"Sorry, can't do that."

"Get out. I don't want you!"

"No choice."

"You made me do it!"

"Don't try and blame this one on me Mr. Perfect Soldier. Try taking responsibility for your actions this time."

"I didn't want to hurt anyone," I cringed as I realised my tone had become a whimper of pain.

"Too late for that now."

"It's all my…fault," I felt my head spinning and tried to repress the reflex to throw up.

"Yes, it is."

"No…"

"Wake up…"

I snapped my eyes open and the darkness in my mind lifted like a curtain. I found myself curled in a ball, huddling up against a wall in my new office. I had been shown to it by Harry, the ever helpful equipment guy, and had taken it as a good enough time as any time to have a mental breakdown. I was just glad that I came to when I did, it gave me just enough time to get up and compose myself before she came back to haunt me. She knocked before entering, her gaze shy but friendly.

"Hi," she said, annoyingly cheerful, "I wondered if you would like to work together, you know, planning for the mission."

I couldn't tear my eyes from hers. All I could see was…blood, running, hands shaking, hair matted with gore. I couldn't take this!

-_Shut up and snap out of it!-_

"Whatever," I said thankfully keeping my voice from shaking.

"Oh, okay," she said a little unsurely, laying her things out on her desk.

Quietly she set about positioning her things neatly out on the polished wood. Her easy grace was quite entrancing, the way in which she moved seeming to take no effort at all as she moved her little keepsakes around, trying not to look shy and vulnerable. Vulnerable, just like her. Can't do this. Have to go, have to go, have to go…

…then there he was…

"Hey Heero! Getting settled huh?" Duo's overly cheery tone spread through my mind like a tidal wave, quenching the rising flames of my momentary madness.

"Hn," I replied turning my back on him and closing my eyes tight shut, more thankful than I would like to admit that he had turned up when he did.

It was almost as if I feared that the rage and fear I felt inside would come bursting out if I didn't hold my eyes shut as hard as I could. Why was this happening, why wouldn't she leave me alone? I needed…to be sane…I needed my strength…my old strength, my will…I needed…

…Duo…

"Well," the voice of said person enthused, "I have a surprise for you."

I turned to him then, finally pulling my raging emotions under control, and found myself staring at a smiling Quatre and a silent Trowa. I tried to smile back but failed miserably. I guess just don't use those muscles enough for them to respond under pressure. And don't think that I didn't notice Trowa's stare boring holes into my face. I guess we'd have to talk, but there is always a place and a time to dig open old wounds; now was not that time.

"Hello Heero," Quatre beamed, "how are things? Settling in okay? Oh, is this your new partner?" 

"Pleased to meet you," I heard her honey sweet voice ooze through the air, hurting my ears as if it were tangible, "my name is Melissa Jaden."

"I'm Quatre Winner, pleased to make your acquaintance," Quatre said shaking her hand.

"Trowa Barton," the tall teens smile was slight, but Melissa didn't know how much of an honour it was to pull that much emotion from Trowa on a first meeting.

"So, you guys want to get something to eat?" I heard Duo suggest and then stop, "oh yeah, I mean guys and girl, heh heh, you're welcome to come as well if you like Melissa."

"That's very kind of you, but I really have to start preparing for our mission, I don't want to leave anything out," she said determinedly.

"Uh oh, another Wufei I think," Duo sighed with a smile, rubbing the back of his head, "just don't work yourself to death 'kay? Heero? What about you?"

I wanted to go. I need to get out of that small, stuffy, claustrophobic office before I went crazy. I couldn't stay here with her. I couldn't…wait, wait a minute who's telling me I can't? I can do what the hell I like! I won't back down for anyone, especially not you! I glared at Melissa hard and was satisfied as I watched her grow uneasy under it. I wanted to see her suffer. Yes, she wouldn't rule over me any longer. No more.

"I have to prepare," I said in my best monotone, turning to Trowa and Quatre, "it was nice to see you again Quatre, Trowa."

With that I sat down and began to unpack my files and papers and other such office refuse. I heard Duo grunt impatiently.

"Heck, everyone works too hard around here!" with that he left, Quatre waving goodbye before following Duo closely.

Trowa hung back a little longer, his presence becoming harder and harder to ignore as the others footsteps began to fade. Slowly I turned my gaze up to meet his intense emerald stare. I swallowed.

"It's good," he almost whispered, taking a few hesitant steps toward me, standing in front of my desk like a monolith, "to have you back…Heero." 

"Thank you," I ground out, my mouth suddenly as dry as Wufei's wit.

Then with that he was gone. Sweeping through the door like a ghost, silently leaving the room as if he had never been in it. I was left alone with her. It took a lot to hold myself under control, I could feel the rage boiling inside of me, threatening to burst out like a volcano erupting. I fell back on my old self, on my training. Oh…god this isn't good.

"So," she began, her voice boring holes into my defences, threatening to break my fury loose, "would you like to work on this together?"

I couldn't stop the slow smirk that formed on my face.

AN: Mwoohahahhahaha! MWOOOAHAHAhahahHAHAHA! Oops, sorry about that ^-^! Got a little carried away there..hcrmm! Well, more of the evil mystery of Heero's whereabouts next chapter hopefully! Hope the blood and gore didn't put you off too much, *mwooahahaha!* Okay, enough with the evil laughs! Feedback is always welcome, please R&R. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed so far, you guys rock! Woohoo!


	8. Conspiracy theory

Disclaimer: *while being held at gunpoint* I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, but Vincent and Valerie are mine alright! *Man with the gun shouts at me* Okay, okay you can have them really!! Really, just don't kill me man!

Warnings: Err confusion, confusion…more confusion and some suggested violence and lots of swearing ^-^.

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**Chapter 8**

****

**Conspiracy theory**

****

****

:Call start 0400 hours: location unknown……..secure line following command feature Valerie-1 650V01…….connecting…..

…2…

-Beep-

…1…

-Beep-

…connection tap complete….

"Are you there? Hey, can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes I can hear you. Is this line secure?"

"Of course it is what do you think I am?!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry."

"Still, we don't have much time. It won't be long until the security system picks up the tap. Do you have the files yet?"

"Not yet, their heavily protected, it's like firewall city in there. I need more time."

"Well we don't have anymore time!"

"Keep you voice down dammit!"

"Sorry, but we need them soon; aw to hell with soon we need them now!"  
"I know that, don't you think I know that!"

"Look, this is no time for arguing, at least 01 is safe."

"Yeah, safe, likely! For how long do you think he's going to be safe after breaking procedure and ripping him out of training so fast? It's a fucking surprise that we haven't seen a mass murder on the news yet!"

"It won't be so bad, I promise, I gave him the chip before I got him out of surgery. It should stabilise him until we can locate the threat. Then we can begin procedure two."

"This isn't going to work."  
"Don't say that! Of course it is! We've worked too hard to bring these bastards down just to give up now because of a few minor hitches. I need you to be focused, I need you to get me those files so we can complete the evidence case."

"I know that and I'm bloody trying! Have you managed to secure 01's position yet?"

"Not yet, 01 is still AWAL. I'm having a hard time placing the location of the chip, it's a weak signal. I think it might be somewhere in the West…"

"Oh great, the West, that's fucking specific isn't it. What are you going to do? Start at the bottom and work your way up?"

"Oh shut up you cynical bastard!"

"Right, right whatever…wait, yes!!! Yes I'm in. Transferring files now. You getting this!?"

-Click-

"Yeah I'm getting them, god this is good shit! They'll never worm their way out of this crap, their neck fucking deep in it!"

"…Did you hear that?"

-Click-

"What?"

"That clicking, was it just me?"

"A click? Shit…"

"They've found me, are you getting the files through?"

"Yes I'm getting the files! Fucking hell, fuck the files Vincent get the hell out of there!"

"No wait, I just need a little longer, I need to recalibrate. They keep changing the codes, fuck…"

"Shit and hell, we've got enough! Get out of there before they find you!"

"We need all of it dammit! There is no way that I'm going to get this close and throw it away because I might get caught."

"Vincent you asshole you _are_ going to get caught, you know what these people are like!"

"Well…then you're going to have to find 01 on your own."

"Don't say things like that…"

"Hell Valerie just shut up and listen to me! I need you to take these files to James Waker, you listening, and tell him everything alright? He's the only person we've ever been able to trust."  
"No, no stop speaking like you're never coming back…"

-Thump-

"They're at the door…"

"Oh god…Vincent…"

"It'll be alright, I uh…think…look, just make sure everything runs through as planned. Think about it huh, me the big hero saving hundreds of innocent lives, ha!"

"Shut up, shut up! No Vincent you get out of there, you get out of there now! You hear me!?"

"Valerie…I've always really liked you y'know."

"…No…please don't say that!"

-Crash-

"You put that phone down now or I'll blow your fucking head off!"

"Vincent! Oh god Vincent!"

"Valerie, I…"

-Bang-

"NO!"

:Call terminated 0409 hours: location unknown……tap overridden by command feature Crawford 1 899C01…disconnecting….

…2…

-Beep-

…1…

-Beep-

….disconnected.

AN: Well, hope that wasn't too confusing! Hee hee, I'm all game for confusing people with my stories right now, but there ya go nyuk nyuk nyuk! As always please R&R and feel free to ask me what the fuck is going on with this storyline, really ^-^ ! 


	9. Still waters run deep

**Chapter 9**

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**Still waters run deep**

Duo POV:

We arrived back after darkness had settled in, the last red scars of the sunset blistering the sky. The apartment blocks looked like giant monoliths standing protruding from the earth, huge and opposing. Their solid darkness was almost intangible in a strange way, like they were cut outs against the skyline. It almost seemed like they weren't there, that if you put your hand out to touch them that it would slip through into nothingness. Speckled with lights from un-curtained windows, you could almost imagine they were huge gaping holes into space and the lights were stars…can you tell that I miss space? Right, course you can. Me, Duo Maxwell, space rat born and bred!

I was glad to finally be home though; in fact I was glad to finally have a place to call home. I mean it's not like I don't appreciate my friends letting me stay with them, heck I'm more than grateful for their kindness…but there's something to be said for a home of your own. I mean, you can only hop, skip and jump around the universe for so long before you start to feel far too unsettled for your own good. I guess you're wondering how I could live as a Gundam pilot, never having a real home other than Deathscythe's cockpit. Truth is…I couldn't. It was hell, and it really grated on me every time I had to uproot and find another place to stay. Yet I didn't let it interfere with my duty, I had more important things to think about…we all did.

"You have the keys Duo," Heero's voice pulled me from my reverie and I nodded absently.

"Oh, yeah," I fumbled in my pocket until I felt the cold jagged metal brush my fingers, "guess I'll have to go into town and get another set cut for you."

"I can do it," he told me shaking his head, and if it had been anyone except Heero Yuy I could have believed that he was being polite.

"Whatever you say He-man," I said back as I struggled with the keys in the door, grinning and hoping he wouldn't notice.

Instead he just blinked at me, not obviously perturbed by the little pet name I had just used, but still a little (dare I say it) shocked. Then he noticed that my hand was squirming behind my back like a snake caught in a toaster as I struggled with the lock…and he laughed. Now when Heero laughs, usually my first instinct is to hit the deck. Why you ask? Well it's because when Heero laughs it usually either means that something has just blown up or he's about to deck you. So I tensed when he stopped laughing and moved towards me, tensed when he let his hands slip from his, correction _my_ trouser pockets to reach out for me. I waited for the blow to come, not even bothering to dodge it because I knew he was faster than me anyway.

But it never came. And what did happen made my body go into more shock than if it had been hit.

Unconsciously I had closed my eyes as I waited for the blow, but when I felt a hand slip over my own they went as wide as dinner plates. Then I was staring into deep blue oceans that travelled on to the end of time, like a deep blue night filled with stars and a sunny day all in one. That was the best way I had to describe Heero's eyes, and I don't think I've done too bad a job myself. Heero was not in inch from my face, his body nearly pressed right up against my own so he could reach past me to take hold of my hand that was opening the lock. My heart suddenly began to beat double time, my breath hitched, I could feel a blush rushing to my cheeks.

_-Ohmygodohmygodohmygod_,- was pretty much all I could think.

What the hell was this? Huh? Huh!? Well come on! In all the time I've known him Heero has never even looked at me sideways in a way that would even _remotely_ suggest that he would rather get within an inch of me voluntarily than kiss a toilet seat. In fact I remembered that he had this kind of aversion to being touched in general, always jittery if you invaded his distorted sense of personal space. If you did actually touch him without his permission then you were generally on the right road to Fistville. Yet here he was, staring seductively into my eyes and practically jumping me on the balcony…okay so not quite seducing or jumping but I'm allowed to get carried away!

"You need to turn it slowly," his voice sounded thick and odd over the loud thumping of my heart in my chest, "or you'll jam it in the lock."

I couldn't even breathe as he decided that he had to just lean that little bit further forward to get a better grasp on my paralyzed hand to turn it and open the lock with a loud click. I could feel his breath against my mouth; I could feel his skin sliding over mine as he moved his hand but didn't step back. Then suddenly, just as if nothing had happened, he was walking past me and into the apartment. I was frozen for a minute, just staring out into the darkness of the night that had opened up before me in Heero's absence. I remembered to breathe just before I would have passed out, sucking in a deep lungful of air and gasping pathetically as I clutched at my chest. I think my heart was doing the samba, or maybe it was more of a rumba? I had to hold onto the rail that ran along the balcony just to make sure I didn't fall over from dizziness. I know what you're thinking, so you just don't have to say anything. I'm pathetic I know, but it just came so out of the blue!

"Are you going to stand out there all night?" 

I turned to see Heero standing in the doorway, his jacket off and a slight frown on his brow as he eyed me. This didn't help in anyway, him raking his eyes up and down my body. In fact my heart began to do some sort of cardiovascular dance that I'm sure is akin to a heart attack. Okay so it wasn't that bad, but hell! The guy was driving me crazy! Yet all I could do was wheeze like an idiot and nod weakly, making sure not to touch him as I ran into the apartment.

_-Oh you bastard! Oh you little swine!-_ I panted as I ran into the bathroom; yeah I know, I was acting like a fourteen year old girl with a crush, running into the bathroom, gees what a cliché! 

He had to know he was doing; that was all I could reason as I locked the door and slid down it onto the rough carpet. I lay my head back and tried not to die of embarrassment right there and then. How the hell was I ever going to explain this one? Running into the bathroom? Blushing like a fool and having heart attacks just because he leaned at me? Aww dammit!!!

"Duo," I started terribly at the muffled sound of his voice through the bathroom door and cursed under my breath, "are you in there?"

"Eh…yeah, umm," I said trying to stall him, "why?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"…Something you wanted?" I asked stupidly.

"…Iie."

Then all I could hear was the soft padding of his feet as he retreated from the door. I sighed in relief and cursed again just for good measure. Rising from the floor I stumbled over to the sink to splash my face with cold water and get myself in order.

--------------------------

Heero POV:

-_What the hell am I thinking? No really I'm serious! I mean…what the hell am I thinking!? I have never, NEVER even thought…not even once…I mean Duo…he's a comrade, a complete baka…a man! I must be going crazy or something, I really must_.-

I just tried my best to ignore my maddening thoughts as I hung up my coat. Duo had run past me so fast I hardly saw him move! Well, I guess I can't blame him, I was acting…strangely. I don't know what came over me, I really don't and it was so unlike me. Could I attribute this to the new dark side of my personality as well? I wasn't sure if I could…

"So what are we doing for dinner?" Duo's bright cheerful voice that had been severely hyperventilating not two minutes earlier chirruped behind me.

"I'll cook," I said back in my best monotone.

"You'll cook huh?" his voice held a smirking tone, yet I could detect the slight waver in it, probably due to my seeming calm at the situation, "should I be worried?"

"Only if you don't shut up," I glared at him as I reached for the coat peg and hung up my shiny new Preventers Jacket.

"Right, right "Duo's a baka" I know," he said rolling his eyes and waving his hand nonchalantly as he stalked off towards the meagre kitchen.

"Hn," was all I could muster in the face of such acceptance.

I just wouldn't think about it. That would do it, then I wouldn't have to even register that the event had taken place. I could just shrug it off, nice and simple.

-_What? Simple to shrug off just like everything else you've done?-_

-_Oh god…no, what are you doing here!?-_ I almost couldn't be sure if I said it out loud or not, backing up against the hallway wall more out of instinct than real danger.

-_Who me? I'm always here you know that…tut tut Heero, I would have thought that you would be more careful with your friends, but your just as incompetent in that area as you are in everything else_,- the Darkness sneered as it wove through my thoughts, making me feel dizzy and slightly nauseous.

-_Shut up, shut up you don't know anything_!- I couldn't help but retaliate, feeling anger rise in my mind as the others presence grew stronger and stronger.

-_Oh but I think I do. I am you, never forget that. I was released and now I can never be put back in my cage. I think you know that better than anyone. You've tried hard enough to shut me out_.-

-_I don't need to listen to you,-_ I said back, blinking as spots began to dance mesmerising in front of my eyes and my knees began to give way under the onslaught, -_I don't…-_

_-I bet you don't. I'm what kept us alive these past two years, don't you forget that.-_

_-No, no I was just…-_

_-Be quiet.-_

_-No…-_

_-Wake up.-_

_-…I don't want to wake up-_

_-Heero, hey buddy come one_!- at that sudden change of tone my eyes snapped open.

I was on the floor, crumpled haphazardly against the wall with Duo crouched down beside me. His eyes were big and sparkling with concern and curiosity. I felt my mind settling back down, just as the blush began to rise in my cheeks. His hand was resting worriedly on my face and I shied from the contact, shied from the warm feeling…even though all instinct told me to lean into that warmth and let it help drive the darkness back. I shook off these thoughts as soon as they appeared and tried to avoid his eyes 

"Are you okay?" he asked timidly, retracting his hand, "you just seemed to black out there. What the hell was that about?"

"Nothing," I said flatly, pushing up against the wall to steady myself as I stood, "I'm just tired."

"Yeah right Heero!" he said defensively, getting all motherly like he used to do during the war, "I don't buy it, what's the matter?"

"Then don't buy it," I shrugged, finally in control of myself once more and damned if I wasn't going to convince Duo of the fact.

"…Heero," he said crossing his arms, his eyes softening.

"I haven't eaten all day and I've been working on that case for five hours solid and then the long drive home," I don't think I'd said this much in one go since I got here, but at least it would shut the braided baka up, "I'm just tired and hungry and I want to make dinner."  
"Like hell you're making dinner after that little stunt!" Duo scoffed, taking hold of my arm and steering me into the living room.

I was amazed that he could recover so quickly from the embarrassment I was sure I had seen him suffering from before. He was just holding onto my arm and guiding me as if I hadn't just come on to him five minutes before. I guess his concern just overrode his own need for space, but then Duo was like that. He didn't much care for politics or governmental affairs, but he liked to help his friends and those he felt were being oppressed or bullied. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't like he's too unintelligent to understand politics, the man isn't stupid. I know I call him baka enough to almost have him answering to it, but he is clever and sharp. He understands politics, well to be a Gundam pilot you had to understand politics just to know what you were fighting for, but it just doesn't hold any interest for him. He's more of a one on one people kind of person. I guess that's why he joined as an agent for the Preventers, he's just that sort of guy.

"Really Duo, I'm fine," I said softly, shaking off his grip and taking a step away from him.

He eyed me suspiciously before folding his arms, yet not quite so securely that he couldn't catch me if I fell again. Yet I was steady now, I was fine, I was fine. I was. Yet the way he was looking at me, I didn't want it. I didn't want his sympathy or his care, I just wanted to be left…alone. I stuffed my stupid contradictory thoughts to the back of mind into a dark corner where they hopefully wouldn't bother me.

"I'll make dinner," I said again, much more confidently and in my best don't-fuck-with-me tone.

He visibly bristled at this, his concerned gaze becoming more a glare to rival my own. His arms unwound but he narrowed his eyes and looked at me in annoyance.

"Alright, alright!" Duo said holding up his hands in a placating gesture and sighing irritably through his nose, "sorry for caring! Make dinner, fall asleep in the oven and gas yourself see if I care."

"Duo…" it took a lot to get Duo Maxwell angry yet I seemed to have succeeded in some way.

"Look, just don't think…" he started, closed his mouth, opened it, "…just cause I…" closed it again, snorted and then left the room with a scowl.

I just stood there and blinked in his absence. What on Earth was that all about? What had I done now? What was going on tonight? I was very nonplussed, yet I didn't feel that following Duo and pestering him about it was the best course of action to take. I'd never seen him so irritable before. Was it me? Was it because I…did he not like me…like that? 

-_Gods, what am I thinking!? I'm not even sure if I like him like that! Yet…maybe I should just try and keep myself in check a little more, no more of this flirting business. I'm too inexperienced as it is anyway to know what I'm doing_.- 

I'd probably offended him without knowing it, and now he'd be angry at me for the rest of the night, and it was all my fault. 

Everything's always my fault.

I just sighed at the thought and let my shoulders slump. I really shouldn't be dwelling on these issues, their too depressing. I just needed to make dinner, eat then go to sleep. I had a mission the next day and I needed to be alert. I needed to be alert so that I could control myself and protect my team mate. I really didn't need anything crazy happening while out on a mission, that would just blow everything I had worked for.

-_Just make dinner Heero_, - I thought to myself as I padded off towards the tiny kitchen, -_make dinner and keep your mouth shut_.-

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Duo POV

Oh god. I'm going crazy, that's what it is isn't it. What the hell's going on tonight? I can't just control myself? Obviously not! I had just blown up at Heero, I mean Heero of all people! And why? Just because he was a little short with me…like he's never done that before! Well, maybe that was why I blew up at him then, because I thought he had changed. But his tone of voice, that glare back there, it was all trademark Heero Yuy, showing me he is still just like he's always been. I was an idiot to think he had changed at all, and idiot, a complete baka!

"I just need to calm down," I murmured to myself as I stood in my little bedroom and listened absently to the sizzling sounds drifting from the kitchen, "just need to de-stress myself."

I took a deep breath, holding it in my lungs before slowly letting it out through my nose. I sat down on the creaky mattress and sighed a little forlornly. Heero had been so open lately, so talkative (well for Heero it was talkative), and then he had just slipped back into his old routine so easily. It just…made me mad! I couldn't help it; I guess I've been a little stressed lately…so I blew up at him. Great. Now he'd probably not speak to me for weeks, how much fun that would be. 

-_I'm such an idiot_.- was the only thought in my head, other than a vague wondering at what Heero was making…and whether he was putting poison in my portion.

AN: Ahhh! I just couldn't stop writing! I've even got more fun penned out for this night in the Maxwell/Yuy household, but I thought I'd save it for next chapter. More angst filled dinners up next! Please R&R!

Ps: Oh yeah, to Shaodws of Grey…keep the crazy reviews coming! Their my favourite kind ^-^ !


	10. Still waters run deep part II

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters or situations or, well, anything! Darn…

Warnings: shonen-ai, language, OOC

****

**Chapter 10**

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**Still Waters run deep – part II**

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So, I was cooking dinner and so far I hadn't opened my mouth once. So far, so good. What was not so good was that Duo hadn't come out of his room and dinner was almost ready. I really didn't want to have to go and get him. I didn't think I was exactly his favourite person right now…

The chicken was beginning to blacken, so I decided that I really had to serve it up before I gave Duo another reason to hate me. I pulled two plates from a nearby, yet unpacked, box. The solid pottery clanked onto the countertop loudly and the cutlery rattled invitingly. Hopefully that would be enough of a signal and I wouldn't have to fetch the sulky idiot myself.

I hated being on the bad side of people, it was really getting on my nerves. In the days of the war I had just shrugged of hate and loathing. Those types of feelings were to bountiful to worry about during times when you caused so much pain. I had made myself become indifferent, unlike Duo had. Perhaps that was why he found it hard to understand me. Maybe…he just needed to understand better, but…no, that was too false a hope. It had been too long since someone had just, liked me for being…me. Well, Duo seemed to appreciate some aspects of my personality, but I wasn't sure that he would still warm to me as much if he knew what was really going on in my head. 

To put it simply…I was just too fucked up for words.

------------

I was just too fucked up for words. I hated being such an ass! Ah, why did I have to fly off the handle at every little thing!? I was getting on Heero's nerves already and we'd only been living together for about the grand total of one day. I mean, am I really that bad? Can I not exist with other people before I become so annoying that they can't bear to be civil anymore!?

Then again, this was Heero Yuy we were talking about here. Sometimes when I get nervous and rant I tend to forget major details. In this case it was the fact that my new roommate was not exactly Mr.Social-of-the-Year and that I have ALWAYS gotten on his nerves. Yet…he had never really gotten on mine. Maybe that was what was bothering me, the fact that I had gone mad at him over something I would have brushed of two years ago as "normal behaviour". Maybe…maybe I was more worried about my own behaviour rather than Heero's. Maybe…

"…Maybe I should go apologise," I sighed in defeat, trying not to think about the implications of my train of thought.

I had to admit that I'd always adamantly believed that Heero was the one with the serious problem, and maybe last time we met that was the truth. He was always so cold and distant and uncaring. I had never understood how a soldier could be like that, without compassion. I mean, how can you fight if you don't feel for what you're fighting for? I don't think that if I hadn't believed in my own cause that I would have given up before I had started…but I'm getting off track. Heero had always been an unfeeling ass…yet perhaps that wasn't the situation anymore, perhaps things had changed more than I believed they ever could. Maybe now I was the one who Une needed worry about.

"Alright Duo, just shut up now," I said slowly as I pushed out with my hands in a calming gesture, "no need to slip into self deprecation there. You're not helping…"

Then I realised that yes, I really was talking to myself…Ah dammit. I didn't want to go crazy! I jumped up from the comfortable bed, yet the silken coverlet still seemed to suck me back. It was like I didn't really want to apologise and…and I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. Well, when it came to Heero I guess I could be a bit stubborn, but usually I wasn't _this_ bad! In fact, I was usually more lenient with Heero than anyone else considering what he's like. So why was it like the furniture was trying to keep me in place, like my subconscious was trying to tell me something else. 

-Yeah, like I ever listened to you subconscious, - I snorted as I firmed my resolve and headed for the door.

My hand was slow to turn the handle, like it was rusty and unwilling in itself even though I had made my mind up what I was going to do. The lock finally clicked, even though my hand was shaking as it griped the polished brass with effort. 

This was ridiculous.

------------

The bowl of rice and stir fry steamed at me invitingly. The haze of heat rose from the food and swirled under my nose making my mouth water in response. Yet I wasn't hungry, despite my complaining stomach. I was actually feeling quite…sick.

I hadn't bothered to turn on the lights as I had walked into the room with my unappetizing prize; I suppose I just wasn't up to seeing more of this world than was completely necessary. So I sat in the dark, staring forward as the light from the half opened doorway skittered across the floor and tried desperately yet futilely to illuminate the dark corners of the room. The only reason I knew he was there was because that light was suddenly thwarted in its quest as it was cut off at the source. His shadow was, I hate to say it, a lot more soothing than the annoying illumination.

"You gonna eat that?" he said from the doorway.

I just continued to stare ahead of me, my legs tense in their crossed position under the table. I didn't want to see that disapprovingly apologetic look in his eyes. He had nothing to be sorry for, it was I who should apologise. Not that I would, not that I ever did…ever had.

"Obviously not."

I heard his soft tread on the threadbare carpet as he walked to the table and thumped down across from me. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept my own on the dinner sitting between us. The darkness in the room seemed to permeate everything, yet I couldn't bring myself to move. I couldn't bring myself to turn on the light and see those amethyst eyes on me. 

Then all of a sudden the chopsticks that were standing stuck into the pile of rice glinted in the soft light emanating from the hallway. They moved gracefully in the soft light as if for their own volition, snagging a piece of helpless chicken and lifting it into the maw. The darkness swallowed it before Duo did, and the thought made me shiver involuntarily.

"S' good," he mumbled past the bulky piece in his mouth, "you sure you don't want it?"

"I never said I didn't," I replied softly as I watched him move like a shadow just beyond my sight of reason.

"Well," he sighed stuffing the chopsticks back into the rice and sitting back on his hands.

I didn't look up from the yellow wooden sticks, like barren trees, the rice like the leaves of April turned dead in the dark.

"But I don't," let my mouth move with my mind, just letting it say what it wanted.

The annoyed huff of breath from across the table indicated how difficult my mind had decided to be, and I was successfully annoying Duo again. I just didn't move as he leaned forward into the little pool of light from the door, my little sanctuary, and caught my half vague gaze from the food. He held my eyes with his own, perhaps hoping to see in them what my mouth refused to tell him…

…That I was tired, that I was feeling sick, that I was…scared and needed someone to tell me everything was going to be alright. No one ever used to tell me that. I always just had to know it for myself, or learn not to care either way. Now, however, that was becoming harder and harder to do. The secrets were weighing on me, confusing me…and I didn't want to hide in the dark anymore. Especially in the dark.

"Are you…feeling alright?" he said almost begrudgingly.

"…No" I said, deciding to take over the job of speaking from my twisted fed up mind; I decided I wasn't going to get anywhere with Duo unless I told the truth.

"Huh?" I guess he hadn't expected such a blunt and revealing answer from me, perhaps he had already given himself up to verbally chasing the answer out of me like used to do during the war.

That wasn't necessary anymore and perhaps that was stranger to him than my blacking out in the hallway earlier that night. Ironic considering how closely connected the two were.

"What do you mean no?" he said with a barely discernable frown.

"I mean what I said," I told him matter-of-factly as I unfolded my legs and stood up slowly, "you can have the food. I'm going to bed now, please leave."

"Heero," he said following me with his eyes, "if you want to…talk, please, I'm here."

"I don't," I said through gritted teeth, suddenly feeling very defensive and vulnerable.

"Look, let me rephrase that," Duo said, standing himself, "I'm not going to leave until you tell me what's wrong."

"Yes," I said menacingly, letting my mind reign once more as I felt the fear of confession and conviction once more gain prominence, "you are."

"Damn it! How many times are you going to do this in one night Yuy!" he snapped, stepping around the table into the light to face me, "You can't just say there's something wrong and then tell me to just piss off and pretend I didn't hear it!"

"Yes I can," I said solemnly as I suppressed the almost irresistible urge to just throw myself into his arms and tell him everything; something in my mind was holding me back, something deeply buried… my own guilt, "and that's what I'm doing."

"No! I won't take this crap from you! You know I won't," he added a little less brusquely as he calmed himself, "I told you that you wouldn't get away with just shrugging me off anymore when you said you were going to move in and you accepted those conditions. Don't think I'm just going to let you back out now, not when it's obviously something important."

I just stood there then, a little lost for words, and looked into those clear violet eyes sparkling with concern. I just wanted to tell him, let him know, above all else, just how much…

"…I need you," I whispered, my hidden eyes shining with unshed tears and my mind a sudden tumult of emotion and concealed pain.

"What?" Duo asked, the anger in his tone ebbing but a little in confusion.

"Nothing," I said a little louder as I dropped my chin to my chest to conceal my weakness.

"Oh for fucks sakes Heero!" he exploded once more, "Why do you always have to shut me out? Why can't you just let me in, just a little bit? Just so I can help you, huh?"

"I don't need your help," I said back automatically, not being able to stop the pre programmed words before they left my bumbling mouth.

There was a flash of painful rage in those clear cut gem like eyes which stared at me from under a waterfall of chestnut. I felt my mind swirl in satisfaction, knowing it had only caused more pain. Darkness, all around me, the darkness was growing. I couldn't stop it now, I could only give in. 

Only give in.

"Well fine then, if that's how it is then fine," he stormed past me and out into the hallway where I heard him rustling amongst the coats, "man, you're enough to drive a guy back to bad habits you know that?"

There was the distinct sound of a lighter clinking and sparking and then a deep, burning inhale. I could just see the edge of the plume of smoke from where I stood facing the doorway, a little shocked to say the least that Duo was doing what I thought he was doing. I walked carefully forward, making sure not to ignite Duo's waiting temper as I stepped half out into the hall and stared at the braided teen in front of me. Duo was leaning back against the hall wall, his braid carelessly hanging like a tail from between his legs, shoulders slumped, face relaxed yet sad and one hand raised to hold the red tipped cigarette to his willing mouth. It wasn't exactly a picturesque sight and I wasn't happy about being the one who caused it.

This wasn't going to be my night, I could tell.

-------------

So I had given up for, what was it now? That's right, ten months and three days. That's how long it had been since I had last drawn a lungful of smoke since that night that Heero decided to stress me to the max. The overwhelming urge to have a cigarette had just been too powerful, and that coupled with the fact that I was in serious I-really-don't-give-a-fuck-anymore mode meant that the issue of whether or not I was going to smoke the rest of the packet in one night, in truth, wasn't really an issue. 

I wasn't even sure why I had bought them when I did. Heero and I had stopped at a convenience store for some shopping, and suddenly they were just been sitting there in front of me. I had had a bad day, I had thought that maybe I could just have one and it would be alright and they had looked so nice in their shinny silver wrapper with its swirled writing. So I bought them, all ten of them, and had thought that I could sneak a quick one while Heero was still milling around the isles. Yet, when I got outside…I just couldn't bring myself to break the promise I had made to Quatre. I had promised him I would give up, and this time for good. I really hadn't wanted to see that disappointed look in his eyes when he caught that smell of smoke from my hair, or even just felt my guilt with his strange empathic power. So I had broken the one I was holding in half and stuffed the others into my jacket pocket in case Heero came out and saw me. Cowardly I know, but I hadn't cared. And now here I was, standing in the hall of my new flat with my new flatmate and my old habit was coming up and biting me in the ass. This wasn't the way to start a new life, with something that represented my own personal misery, with something that was the very embodiment of the lowest I had been in my entire existence. I know what you're thinking, "how old are you exactly?". Ha, no one ever believes me when I tell them I'm only nineteen. Sometimes I don't even believe it myself anymore.

"I didn't know you smoked," Heero mumbled from the doorway, his long leg half way out and his hair and the shadow hiding his eyes.

"Yeah well, both times I've started are now your fault," I informed him with morbid satisfaction.

"What do you mean "both"?" he asked with a slight frown, narrowing his hidden eyes slightly so that they glinted in the sparse light.

"Well when I started originally, one and a half years ago, it was your fault, and if I'm not mistaken this right now is your fault too, ne?" I said with a sarcastic smile as I flicked my cigarettes cinders to the carpet.

"I didn't tell you to start," he mumbled back, snorting derisively yet not looking away from me.

"That doesn't mean you _didn't_ start it though does it now?" I said taking another long drag from the small white stick as I let my eyes cloud with the sweet suffocating addiction.

We stood in silence after that, Heero not objecting again to my filthy habit, although his look betrayed his feelings. I just finished my cigarette, feeling more and more apprehensive at the way he was staring at me but not letting it show too much on the surface. Once I had taken my fill of nicotine and tar I dropped the small calm-giving stump to the floor and ground it into the carpet. I think that the small gesture was done more out of spite than the lack of an ashtray, and Heero's reaction, the slight bunching of his hands and the straightening of his back, was entirely worth it. I was really in the mood for pissing him of right now and I no longer felt the compassion to hold back my cruel side from him. So I walked right past his rigid form as he stood staring angrily forward towards the smoking stub on the floor. I didn't even look back as I opened the door to my room and the hinges squealed unnaturally loud in the awkward silence. I just wanted to make him feel bad for pushing my hand away when I had held it out to help him. I men, what did this guy think, that I was going to just shrug of his sick personality forever? He could think again. I had put up with it for to long already and it had only been two days and a bit. Not much compared to the years we spent as "partners" during the war, eh?

"If you feel like talking in the morning," I said clearly through the quiet, "then I'm sure the wall will be very eager to hear your story."

With that verbal knife satisfyingly slipped between my flatmates ribs I walked into my room and shut the door. I undressed, undid my hair, brushed it out, put on a grungy T-shirt climbed into bed and subsequently burst into tears before falling into a fitful sleep.

So I'm no good at being nasty and spiteful. Bite me.

AN: Well that took a while because my idea decided to be just a tad more angsty than I had intended. Argghhh, I'm getting frustrated with my own characters here! I hate my little muses, their so cruel! But shhh, don't tell them I said that or I'll have writers block for a week '''^-^'''. Okay but yeah, please R&R as always feedback is welcome.

I know I haven't been very good at replying to reviews but here goes!

To Mithros: Hee hee, hope my psycho Heero isn't scaring you too much lol! He'll get better honest, as long as he keeps taking the pills ^~^.

To Shadows of Grey: Actually I have seen He-man and the Masters of the universe and I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU! It is the single most boring repetitive cartoon on this planet lol! I think Heero-man and the Masters of Gundanium would be a much more *hcrmm* attractive idea ^-^;;;! Aww you think my Heero is sexy? Thanks! Heh heh at least I know I'm getting him how I want him lol. Whoa, that sounded bad! Arghh, have to stop typing now before I say something reaaaaly bad! Keep reviewing, I look forward to 'em ^-^!

To Krazy Girl: I'm sorry I confused you! I will explain all I promise I will! Just not very well! Heh heh. Hmmm Heero's where abouts ahhhhhh…

To Tiinka: As if I would ever give Heero and Duo a bad ending! Shame on you for thinking such a thing lol! Kidding of course, but I'm glad you are also a fan of happy Heero/Duo endings, I'm not alone yay! 

Ahhh there we go! Thanks to you all for reviewing and I'm sorry this chappie took so long and that I seem to still be rambling! See you next chapter ^-^! 


	11. The belly of the beast

Disclaimer: The Gundam Boys and all other Gundam AC characters aren't mine, but Valerie Sander's and Crawford are. Enough said I think, ne? Heh heh.

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**Chapter 11**

**Belly of the Beast**

I just have to make something clear right from the start, just so you know where I stand, that it is no fun leading a one woman rebellion. It was not very much fun being part of a two person rebellion, but on your own? It's just hell, take it from me.

"Is Mr Waker expecting you?" the rather too snooty butler asked me with distaste.

"Of course he is," I ground out politely, "or I wouldn't be here would I?"

Smiling sweetly didn't hide my sarcasm from the tall grey haired man, but I have to say that at that moment I really couldn't have cared less. My best friend was dead and I was suddenly all alone in the world with more enemies than I knew what to do with. I really didn't have time to think about other people. May seem cold, but it's only the truth.

"Wait here," he told me without even a "please", and I knew from then on in that I was on unwanted ground.

The house of Consul James Waker, chief of finance and public relations for the council of the new OZ, was no more a house than a hotel all of its own. The lobby itself was about sixty feet by forty feet with a domed ceiling inlaid with glass and gold. The walls were hung with gold wallpaper that you could just tell cost one thousand dollars per square metre and the furniture adorning the place was so ornate it looked more like it was for show than to be sat on. The floor was inlaid with strips of marble that, when seen from the balcony that circled the high walls would show a very accurate picture of the new symbol OZ had adopted for itself when it redid its image. The large golden square housing a red diamond with OZ elegantly scrawled in white characters upon it was really very ostentatious. This was the mans house after all; as I stood there wondering exactly what sort of man James Waker would be like in the flesh, the symbol beneath my feet made me feel rather uneasy. I had only ever spoken to him over the phone before, and the fact that his house was looking like one big OZ shrine was starting to freak me out.

As soon as the butler left my unease did not disappear but instead grew. I suddenly felt very aware that I had slept in the clothes I was wearing and that they had been dirty when I'd put them on in the first place. I felt like I was trespassing, even though I had been invited as I was left standing in the overly luxurious lobby, all silk drapes and chandeliers, with four burly security guards planted against the four walls. I hate to admit it, but I, Valerie Sanders, am not the bravest of people. I don't even know how I became mixed up in this whole affair in the first place, but I did and now I'm slap bang in the middle of it. God knows that I could very well blame all this on Vincent…but, I guess it's not good to speak ill of the dead. I at least owe him that. 

I never have been very good at blending in to hide my presence. Yet I am not so dense that I couldn't tell I was sticking out like a sore thumb against the lascivious décor. I was also _stinking_ out, to put it mildly, and I think that was what embarrassed me most of all. I looked up nervously, although trying my best to hide it, towards the dark sunglasses of one of the guards. He stared impassively right over my shoulder, making me shudder involuntarily. Sometimes I wondered if these guys really were just robots, planted against he walls ready to kill when the signal was given; it would be just like OZ to create something like that…but then I had to mentally slap myself and come back to reality. Sometimes I do get a little carried away, especially when I'm nervous. Now was one of those times.

"Miss Valerie," the nasal tone of the butler made me leap out of my skin, but I covered it successfully under a quick fake sneeze, "Mr Waker will see you now."

There was a horrible finality on the word now and I didn't like it one bit. I always liked to follow my instincts but unfortunately at the moment they were telling me to bolt right out of that lobby and keep running until it was very far away. I always remember Vincent telling me that trusting your instinct was the key to staying alive in this business. He always used to say that I had very acute instincts too, and he tended to rely on mine more than his own. Pity that he hadn't done just that a couple of nights ago. He might still be alive…but no need to dwell. There were more pressing matters at hand.

I ignored the twisting sensation in my gut for the moment, just opting instead for a smile and a nod before I followed the butler through the ornate mahogany doorway that led into the main hallway. The hallway was no less pretentious in its decoration, a long red carpet stretching out along its impressive length and large paintings hanging against the same golden wallpaper. There were even little showcases scattered between the paintings which housed OZ medals from before and during the Alliance War belonging to Waker's father. There were none belonging to him however, and for some reason that seemed to calm down the strange feeling in my gut. Maybe I was overreacting to the whole OZ worshipping deal, maybe it was just a rouse. I guess the saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer could be applicable here, if my instincts were right about Mr. Waker.

The butler showed me to the third door on the right, a large ornate doorway sporting two large brass handles in the shapes of two dragons. The old man knocked and waited for the muffled "enter" before reaching for the handles. The doors swung open with a slow rush of wood on carpet before presenting me with a view of Waker's office. The butler motioned me through and then shut the door quietly behind me. I however was still to in shock to think about what the old man was doing. After all the luxury and extravagance that had been displayed I would have thought Waker's office would be like the Taj Mahal, but instead I was greeted with a small desk, simple lavender walls with discreet yet tasteful paintings upon them and some modest furniture. It was like being given a really expensive looking gift box and opening it up only to find a plain piece of jewellery inside. Yet somehow this show of modesty completely cleared up my feeling of unease, my stomach settling down fully as I took in my surroundings.

"So, Miss Valerie, what can I do to help you today?"

Mr James Waker however was not exactly what you would call a "plain piece of jewellery". He sat comfortably yet regally in his large black leather office chair with an amiable smile on his face. His short black hair with only a smattering of grey and his thin rimmed, stylish glasses made him look about ten years younger than he probably was, and along with his impressive physique I was already quite impressed. I had really been expecting some old fat OZ ex-general who'd obviously been sitting behind a desk all his life. Yet Mr Waker outdid my expectations and he was already shaping up to be, with his trusting eyes and his friendly attitude, to be just the man I needed to see.

"Well Mr Waker, I was wondering if I could talk to you about the pay cuts to the department researching the effects of…" I started my little cover spiel but he cut me off with a wave of his hand and a smile.

"Don't worry about it," he said laughing lightly and motioning for me to take a chair across from him, "the room isn't bugged, I made sure of that."

"You're…you're sure?" I asked suspiciously, although my stomach wasn't complaining which was always a good sign.

"Yes I'm sure, this is my own room is it not?" he said with a quirk of one elegant eyebrow.

"Yeah, umm, of course," I said completely inelegantly, "right."

I sat down cautiously in the seat at the desk, careful not to do something stupid like tip the chair or fall on my face. It wasn't that I was nervous mind you, just that I'm prone to doing stupid things in front of people that I really shouldn't do stupid things in front of; so I tend to take my time when I can.

"So, I am guessing," he started before I got a chance to think up my own questions, "that something has gone wrong?"

"That's, err, a little of an understatement Sir," I nodded and laughed nervously.

"Please," he shook his head, that smile still plastered to his face, "call me James. No one's called me Sir since the war; it's a little strange to hear."

"Oh right," I blushed, "sorry."

"That's alright," he said with a nod showing that he knew I was rather touchy when it came to the entire affair and that he didn't mind, "but please continue."

-Well, here we go, - I thought.

"Well, Si-uh, I mean James," I just let my blush deepen and ignored the humorous glint in his eye, "the thing is that things have gone wrong, quite seriously. Vincent is dead."

"What?" he said, his smile disappearing in an instant and a frown marring his handsome face; he suddenly looked a hell of a lot older, "when did this happen? I wasn't informed…"

"It was only last night," I sighed shaking my head sadly and trying not to let my voice crack, "he was killed retrieving files from GTec's main database. He managed to send all of the files required to me, but then he was discovered by guards and…shot."

"Oh…" Waker said lowering his head in reverence, "I am sorry for your loss Miss Valerie. I know that you and he were close."

"Yes, thank you, but, well, look that's not really what I came to talk to you about," I stammered out, "it's just that, well, I'm afraid that I cannot locate 01."

"Yes, yes I thought that might be a problem, he is a very resourceful young man," Waker said, his expression shifting from pensive to thoughtful and brooding, "and if he doesn't have any memory as to his whereabouts during the last two years then he might not even understand what is happening to him."

"That's what worries me most Mr Waker," I said pensively, "he was torn straight from training procedure level 2 without being given the proper treatment or psychological shielding of the proper magnitude. I did give him the CO chip to regulate the flow of the Command Stream but, well it was only a temporary one. It was programmed to disintegrate after two weeks so as to leave the subject suspicion free when it comes to being subjected to interrogation or autopsy. He's been missing for almost a month now, and by this time I'm worried that he will have become dangerously unstable. The unstable flow of CS may already have manifested itself as a psychological entity and I fear that very soon the subject will suffer a complete psychosomatic meltdown."

"This is most certainly a problem and unfortunately on that I am not sure how to remedy in time," Waker said with a sigh.

"Please James," I said with a pensive expression, "I just want to find him before GTec do. I can't let him fall back into their hands."

Mr Waker just pressed his fingertips together thoughtfully and rested them against his lips. He sighed through his nose and stared at the desk, his glasses glinting in the light. Oh right, well first, before I go on I guess I'd better explain what the hell I was just talking about before I confuse anymore people. You see I used to work for a company call GTec, part of OZ's scientific research department studying human DNA and mutation, etc. I'm quite sure that the company was innocent when I joined their group, but somewhere along the way things turned bad, really bad. It was only seven months ago that I discovered that GTec were compiling a program that could be used to indirectly alter the memories of individual human beings. At first I didn't know what to think, but when I realised that part of the programming included an advanced form of brain washing I knew that things had gone very wrong. GTec had gone from scientific research to weapons development in one easy move. That was what they were doing, manufacturing human assassins by brainwashing normal soldiers and erasing all evidence from the individuals mind. They could be sent back out into the community and set to kill whoever they were hired to kill for extortionate sums of money. OZ had utilised this facility during the Alliance war using ordinary soldiers as crash course assassins at half the price of fully training someone who they were sure would die anyway. 

So this level 2 stage of the training procedure that 01 was pulled out of was actually the second of three stages. I had tried to pull him out earlier, but it would have been too suspicious. Unfortunately this meant that the only part of the procedure that was not completed was the mental stabilising for the severe mental trauma that comes about from having your mind twisted to the way NTec want it. It wasn't the most desirable way to get him out, but the only way. I just couldn't stand seeing someone so young going through the program, well I couldn't stand seeing anyone going though it to tell the truth, but he was so young. I just couldn't have handled seeing him kill and be killed, so I got him out; and now I had lost him, and time was running out.

"Miss Valerie, do you have the files with you? The one's Vincent downloaded from GTec?" Waker asked me suddenly.

"Uhh, yeah sure," I nodded, reaching down to slip of one of my shoes.

With practiced experience I pulled a chain out from under my shirt and used a small key like pendant to open a hidden compartment in the shoe. Waker continued to smile at me, nodding thoughtfully at my little invention. For some reason I felt like blushing again but restrained myself as I removed the micro-disc from the compartment and replace my shoe.

"You can't be too careful these days," I said with a shrug.

"So true Miss Valerie, so true," he nodded more respectfully as he took the disc from me and placed it into the computer sitting in front of him.

I think that it didn't really sink in that he had done anything wrong until the shooting started. Before then it was all still calm and I was just sitting pensively waiting for him to tell me something of use. I ignored the twisting feeling in my stomach as nerves because I might soon be finding 01. It was only seconds, amazingly and fantastically luckily, before he noticed a clue in one of the files. Usually it takes a long time with meticulous research in these sorts of situations to find any sort of clue, but the fact that Waker found something so quickly only proved his resourcefulness. 

"I think I have an idea where 01 may have gone," he said with a look of joy shining in his eyes that his mouth restrained, "it says here that he had close contacts with Quatre Raberba Winner."

"The Quatre Raberba Winner?!" I said in shock, "but I though that NTec only chose inconspicuous subjects for testing, people that wouldn't be missed. If it was on of Mr. Winner's friends then wouldn't he have searched for him?"

"Supposedly it says here in the report that his disappearance would not be taken as out of character…" he started with a raise of an eyebrow, but then he tailed of all of a sudden, his look of interest shifting to one of growing fear.

I looked at him for a second in confusion, finally reaching out a had to tap him on the shoulder as he continued to sit and let his expression shift more and more towards defeated fear. I was about to ask if he was alright when I heard it, the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. However, despite his shocked countenance, as soon as he heard the shot he was leaping into action, reaching under his desk and pulling out a concealed gun. I jumped at the sight of it and cursed myself under my breath for being so jumpy. Then all of a sudden I heard the sound of a loud click, hoping to all god that it wasn't the sound of a gun cocking and that I was about to get shot. But then I was grabbed by the arm, Waker having jumped from his chair and hauled me out of my own, and pushed towards a now gaping hole at the back of the once seamless lavender walled room. I just goggled at it before mentally slapping myself into gear and making my feet work. I just assumed that Waker was as resourceful as he seemed and had had a panic button under his desk, but I didn't really have time to think further on the matter as I was shoved through into the darkness. Then I realised something that made my gut twist quite painfully, but the door was already closing by the time that I even thought to shout for Waker to stop.

"No wait!" I shouted futilely, pounding on the now closed secret doorway, blinking as the lights buzzed into life, "Waker don't!"

"Quiet!" I heard the older man say authoritatively from the other side, silencing me yet not calming my fear, "or you will be heard! Just go Miss Valerie, follow the corridor and take the car in the basement."

"But…"

"Go, now!"

I didn't think, even as I ran through the cramped corridor with my gut making my eyes water and my feet stumbling as I thought of loosing another friend. I was running very low on friends these days, and Mr Waker had been one of the nicer ones all round, apart from Vincent. I cursed myself for thinking of him when I was in such a state, the thought making the waiting tears spill from my eyes and I didn't stop to wipe them away. I just kept running, running towards the basement, running from the sound of that single dead shot, running from the enemy. There was only one thought running through my head now.

-Quatre Raberba Winner. –

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The tall man sat in his chair defiantly as the door was broken down before his eyes like it was nothing but tissue paper. He didn't even flinch as the room filled with armed guards dressed in black, or when a tall blonde haired man walked in through the rubble; although he should have. The man wore a long fitted grey trench coat with the OZ symbol emblazoned onto the front pocket. His countenance was cold and calculating and his eyes ice blue in colour only adding to his cool demeanour. He regarded the man behind he desk silently before speaking, acting as though the guards were not there.

"Waker," he said softly, a slight nod given in respect for the older man.

"Crawford," Waker said back, returning the nod, "I always thought breaking and entry was not your style."

"Only when it is necessary," the blonde said back, "and you can just put the gun up on the table by the way."

Waker sighed but smiled almost affectionately at the young man before him, completely ignoring the ring of guards and their drawn weapons. There was a sad glint in his eye as he pulled the gun from its careful concealment in his lap and placed it on the desk lightly.

"Sometimes I think that I trained you too well," Waker smiled.

"And for that I can only give you my thanks," the cold eyed blonde replied with an incline of his head.

He walked forward softly on his black boots to retrieve the gun, the guards edgy and tense as their leader neared the enemy. He was reaching out for the weapon before he thought about the other thing that his old master had taught him. Waker had the gun out and cocked before anyone could blink. It was a good thing for him however that Crawford had just as god reactions as his former teacher or he would have found himself splattered all over his office in no time. 

"Don't shoot!" he ordered his men before they could fire a single shot.

There was silence for a moment, and then the clinking and rattling of guns being pulled back, but not completely. Crawford just stared at Waker's steady grip on the revolver that was pointed right at his heart. Waker stared right into Crawford's eyes. 

"One last lesson?" Crawford asked softly.

There was a tense moment of silence that seemed to stretch out forever, but then very slowly Crawford moved. He slowly reached out and took the gun from the older man's grasp, not reacting at all to the fact that Waker just let him take it. Although that wasn't to say that he missed the sad look in Waker's eyes, or the slight nod he gave the blonde when he relinquished the gun.

"There are always more things to learn," Waker said with a soft sigh, as if he were teaching the blonde once more and he had just disappointed him in his studies, "remember that."

"Hai," the blonde nodded, holding the gun carefully in his hand, "now, if you would come with me Mr Waker."

Waker didn't even protest, just got up and went and stood beside Crawford so that he could be escorted out. The confused and jumpy guards followed after them, checking around corners and up on the balcony as if they thought this had been all too easy. Waker just walked proudly out of his house with Crawford beside him, ignoring the security guards dead on the floor.

"You do know that you'll never get away with this don't you?" he said to his old student as they walked.

"I don't know what you mean," Crawford replied flatly, "I'm only following orders."

"Don't try and pull that on me, I used to say that myself," Waker snorted, "and you know well fine what you're doing."

"We know you had accomplices," Crawford said, changing the subject, "one was killed accidentally and the other will soon be in our custody. As will 01."

"Accidentally," Waker shook his head, "these rookies of yours are very jumpy aren't they?"

"They're not mine," Crawford let a small smile slip before masking it once more.

He didn't even hear the squeal of tires from the back entrance to the basement as a large black jeep tore out into the night.

AN: Hi, me again, just a note to say I hope this isn't too confusing. I seem to be doing a lot of that in my stories recently, woops, so sorry if it's all a bit mental! But as ever please R&R, feedback is welcome, and thanks to everyone for reviewing! Love you all xxx!


	12. Of dreams and kisses

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters therein, but Heero's psychotic alter ego is unfortunately mine. 

Warnings: shonen-ai, violence, angst, FLUFF (well they were asking for it!),

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**Chapter 12**

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**Of dreams and kisses**

It was all dark, like a black hole in my mind. I felt like I was walking, even though I knew I was asleep. It was as if I was in someone else's body, my mind swishing back and forth between wakefulness and unconsciousness. I tried to grasp onto reality, holding on to the hope that I wouldn't have to dream again, but the pull was inevitable. It was as if my mind was rebelling against me, making me watch it over and over again. I felt like crying out but I couldn't move, paralyzed yet still walking those filthy rain slick streets under the dirty orange glow of the streetlights.

"Hey there cutie," the sickly sweet voice husked at me from some dark corner making my stomach lurch, "lookin' for a good time?"

Then I was turning towards the source of that voice, turning to see that girl emerging form the darkness like some sort of distorted angel. Her long blonde hair was sleek yet a little dirty, her black leather miny skirt tight around her skinny thighs with her malnourished legs sticking out from beneath. Her revealing belly top revealed just as skinny a torso, her arms covered by a baggy leather jacket that did little against the cold. Yet, despite her stick like figure, her face was like a light in the darkness. Her long hair framed her love heart shaped face and the large blinking baby blue eyes that stared out from her pale flesh. Her nose was petite and slightly out of proportion to the rest of her face giving her and innocent childlike look that made my eyes water.

"Hey, mister?" she looked concerned at my silence, and as I continued to stare her concern seemed to shift to anxiety, "are you okay?"

"Me?" I spoke, yet it wasn't my own voice that emanated from within that dark figure that I had become, I didn't recognise it anymore.

"Yeah, I was talkin' to you," she said with a slight pout, arms crossing over her chest, "don't see anyone else around here."

"No," came that dark voice once more, thick and laced with malice, "that's the idea."

To that she just smirked, her angelic features shifting to that of one hardened by the streets with no more need for the innocence of youth. She started to walk slowly towards me, her hips swaying seductively as she slipped her jacket down over her shoulders. Her eyes held a gruesome glint in the darkness, that glint reflecting the one I knew was in my own eyes. The darkness was becoming thicker and pitcher as she approached, almost blacking out everything as her eyes began to fill my vision. She leaned in towards me, her body pressed up against mine hip to hip so she could whisper in my ear.

"So," she said seductively, "what do you want hmm?"

"Oh, you don't want to know," the voice replied softly into her hair as I slipped my arms around her gaunt frame.

Then it was all so quick, so slick and professional that I couldn't stop it, not that I ever could, not that I had been able to. The grip became death like, holding the astonished girl like a vice as she was dragged kicking and screaming into the maw of the waiting alley.

-Oh god, no, - I shouted, not this please. Please! Stop, STOP! **STOPSTOPSTOP**… -

"…STOP! Stop it!" I jumped awake as I felt my throat constrict under weak pale fingers, almost suffocated with the fear.

Then everything was still and calm once more, everything was still dark but not oppressive anymore. It was just dark. Just dark…until the door opened violently spilling in that intrusive light and even more intrusive eyes.

"Heero..?" came Duo's groggy half alert voice from the doorway as he stood there, gun in hand looking wildly about the place.

I almost laughed at the scene, I would have if I wasn't so…upset. Instead I just calmed my erratic breathing, wiped the sweat from my brow and turned my face from the dark into that light to face him. It stung my eyes for a moment but they soon adjusted revealing the silhouette of my flatmate. His hair was fuzzed from sleep and the light reflected off of it making hundreds of little halo's around his head. I just stared at him for a moment before realising he had spoken. There was another silence.

"Are you alright?" he asked concernedly, taking a step into the darkness.

"Yes," I replied flatly before he could take another step.

"I…heard shouting," he said warily, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said just as monotonously, "just a nightmare."

I heard the sound of Duo let out a breath, un-cocking his gun and slipping it onto the cabinet top at his right. He stood there for a moment longer, just looking at me as I shivered imperceptibly against the pillow. Suddenly I was very aware of his eyes on me as I lay there stock still trying to get back to sleep. It would be impossible of course; I knew that after having so many nightmares in my life that I'm surprised that I ever got to sleep at all. Yet it was easier back then to just ignore them, so much easier to just lock everything away and pretend I didn't care.

I heard him sigh before stepping lightly across the floor, the boards creaking unevenly beneath his feet as he navigated around the table to slump down beside the couch.

"What about?" he asked casually.

"None of your business," I informed him calmly as I closed my eyes.

"Hey, no way, don't think you're waking me up at this hour in the morning and getting away with it that easily," Duo raised an eyebrow in warning as I slit open an eye to regard him.

There was another silence then, broken only by the slight rustling of covers as Duo pulled my duvet around his shoulders. He looked up at me expectantly as I sat sullenly in my darkness and, surprisingly enough, I spoke…even though it was a lie.

"It was…did I ever tell you," I started, "about the time I came across a little girl after an Alliance attack back on the colony where I grew up?"

Duo regarded me cautiously, almost as if he could tell I was evading him somehow yet he couldn't quite figure it out. He let it slide however in favour of answering me.

"No," he said shaking his head, "you didn't."

"I had been sent out to train, told to kill any Alliance personnel I came into contact with. I found her in amongst the rubble all alone, crying, holding a puppy to her chest. They were both so helpless, I found I couldn't kill her. She was so young, so scared, like I had been once. She posed no threat, so I decided to help her."

I paused for a moment just to remember the scene in my mind, the charred and smoking remains of a house with the girl and puppy nestled inside. I had never told anyone about this before, and even though my newest personal nightmare was much worse than this I still wondered what Duo would think of me. I know that I had never forgiven myself.

"I took her hand, she held the puppy. We were half way from the scene of the attack before he turned up."

"Who?" Duo asked with a slight frown.

"Dr. J," I said flatly, noting Duo's snort of disgust at the mention of his name, "he just stood there looking at me with those silver shielded eyes. I remember the little girl began to cry again as he looked at her. He just stared at me, at her hand in my own until I let go instinctively. He just stood there, all the time he just stood there staring at me, until he spoke curtly to me. "Kill her" he said as if it was as easy as that."

Duo looked up at me in shock, not that I thought he would be shocked that a man like J would command such a thing. His eyes glinted in the darkness, wide and full of pity.

"He threw me a gun. The girl screamed, I remember that, she tried to back away, her eyes riveted to me. In that moment…it was me or her, I knew J would kill me if I disobeyed. He had ordered me to do it, to kill her for no reason other than she inadvertently went against his principals. To this day I don't actually remember pulling the trigger…but I remember that he forced me to look in her face, streaming with blood. Her eyes were still open. I'd shot her right between the eyes."

"Heero…" Duo said softly, placing his hand over my own, his face pained.

"I…I don't know what to think of it, I never have," I said slowly, staring up at the ceiling away from Duo's concerned gaze, "he ordered me to do it, but I…I pulled the trigger, I killed her, I…I've killed…so many people."

"No, don't say it like that!" Duo admonished me, squeezing my hand comfortingly, "Heero, it was war, people die. It wasn't like you went around doing it for fun. We were all forced into taking lives, but look what it has brought us. We have had peace for two years now."

"You have," I corrected him.

"Hey," he said sitting up and taking my face in his hands to make me look at him, the gesture surprising me, "you can't take this all on your own shoulders y'know. Why do you always have to do that? It wasn't just you who killed, it wasn't only you who was forced to slaughter innocents. God Heero think of Quatre when the Zero system drove him mad, he killed hundreds of colonists, gees he almost killed you!"

"That's not the same," I growled, feeling defensive and edgy at the thought that Duo could compare Quatre of all people to as big a monster as myself, "his mind was being controlled, he was driven mad. I had full control of my actions when I pulled that trigger and killed that girl; I made a conscious decision to murder her."

"No, Heero don't you get it, you know that you were a different person back then! You were ruled by the Doctors, we all were but you most of all. It was almost as bad as having your mind controlled."

"No, it's not the same dammit! Why do you have to try and justify my atrocities all the time!?" I roughly pushed his kind hands from my face and sat up, "Why can't you just face it Duo, I'm a murderer and I…I don't deserve…"

"Deserve what?" Duo asked, his face hurt and worried as he sat back a little.

"To live," I said simply.

His eyes widened at that statement. He shook his head imperceptibly and his expression shifted to one of horror. His movements were too quick to follow as he leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I gasped at the gesture, trying to squirm from his hold but his grip was infallible. I felt my heart quicken as his bare arms slid against my shoulders, his hair tickling my neck as he brought me in close to him.

"Dammit Yuy," he said with a slightly choked laugh, "why do you have to keep doing this to me huh?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" I asked slowly, my arms hanging uselessly at my sides.

"One minute I feel like I could kill you you're so frustrating, and then the next minute I feel like I…" he stopped slowly, sighing into my hair.

"Like what?" I asked in no more than a whisper, almost as if I were afraid of what he would say.

"Just, just don't ever say anything like that again okay?" he replied evasively holding me tighter.

Then there was that damned silence again. I just sat there in Duo's arms, confused and upset and…I don't know what else. I just felt like wrapping my arms around him too, but I couldn't bring myself to give into the luxury of such comfort. I just let my head fall forwards instead to rest against Duo's warm shoulder with his hair tickling my nose. I sighed softly and murmured something about "promising not to" before I felt my arms lifting and moving almost against my will. I was just so tired, so cold and alone; I needed Duo's warmth, he was so…alive…I felt so dead inside. I felt my arms warming against his back as they wrapped around him, the slight shiver down his spine as my hands splayed out against his shirt.

"So…you don't hate me?" I asked pathetically.

"No, Heero I don't hate you," Duo shook his head and gave me a comforting squeeze for reassurance.

"But, I…" I started to protest.

"Look Yuy, I don't hate you okay? Isn't that enough?" he asked me seriously.

I didn't answer him. Instead I just evaded the single question that I was to afraid to even think about never mind answer. I changed the subject before he had a chance to ask me again.

"What were you going to say?" I muttered against his skin to break the silence.

"Huh?" he asked sleepily.

"You said that sometimes you feel like killing me and other times you feel like…" I prompted him by leaving the sentence open for him to finish.

"Oh right," he chuckled softly, "well, it doesn't matter."

"Hmm, so I can't get out of things just by dismissing you, but you can?" I asked with a raise of an eyebrow.

"Yes," he said nodding as he suddenly pulled back out of the comfortable embrace.

"No way," I mimicked his tone and wagged a finger, "tell me."

"Get lost," he said shoving me playfully.

"You get lost," I shoved him back with a smirk.

"Fine then," he sniffed, feigning insult as he stood to leave, "be like that!"

"Duo," I said suddenly, stopping him in his retreat, "thank you…for listening."

"Hey, no sweat," he winked at me, picking up his gun from the cabinet, "I'm always here for ya buddy."

"Well, the last time we spoke," I reminded him, "you did say I could go and talk to a wall for all you cared."

"Heh, well that was one of your more "I could kill you right now" moments," he laughed softly.

"And what about now?" I asked him seriously.

"Now?" he said walking back over to me with a smile, leaning down to look right into my eyes, "is more of an "I could kiss you right now" moment."

So he did, right on the cheek. I was a little shocked by the admission and the action, but didn't let it show on my face. Instead I just nodded to Duo as he said goodnight, closing the door behind him as he left leaving me in darkness once more; and for some inexplicable reason, I no longer felt cold. It was as if there was a fire burning along my skin, making me shiver with pleasure and comfort. I almost completely forgot about the reason Duo had come running through in the first place, almost but not quite completely.

I let the warmth flowing around my body lull me to sleep, too aware that I had to get up in another five hours to go on a mission with Miss-I'm-too-happy-for-my-own-good. So I just sighed happily and let the darkness cloud my mind, hoping that sweeter dreams would come when I slept.

AN: Aww, couldn't resist a bit of fluff! Heero's shaping up to have one hell of a secret locked away in that messed up mind of his! Ha harrr! As ever please R&R and tell me what you think.


	13. Overlap

Disclaimer: The boys and the girls aren't mine, but Valerie and her madness are.

Key – A line denotes change in POV

-_denotes thoughts or inner speech-_

**Chapter 13**

**Overlap**

The streets were long and fine, tapering like the end of a song that you wish would keep going. I could feel the dawn growing nearer; it was biting at my consciousness like a drug, like the sunshine was going to wash everything away. I needed that, just like that coffee had helped wash away my drowsiness earlier.

"Nearly four," I said just so I had something to say.

I had to get to the airport. I needed to get to America. I needed to find him, the one who had been plaguing my existence as soon as I had helped turn him into what he now was.

"I've found you," I had to say it to make it real, "I'm sure I've found you."

* * *

"I really doubt Heero would have appreciated it Maxwell," Wufei did his best to console me, "you and I accompanying him on his first mission."

"Hell I know that," I muttered, again throwing the small red bouncy ball against the wall and catching it, throwing it and catching it, anything to stop my irrational worrying.

Heero was off on his mission with the rookie...the very important daughter-of-a-councillor rookie. I felt kinda, well, sick to put it honestly. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen, yet I seemed to be the only one worried. Guess that was because I was the only one who had been in close contact with him since he had gotten back; the only one to notice...

"They should be reporting in at 1500 hours," Wufei continued to type up some report or other while trying to ignore the incessant thump of my frustrations, "and that should hopefully calm you down. Or I'll have to do that myself..." he added dryly.

"Heh, sorry Wufei," I caught the small ball one last time before setting it down into the table and seating myself at my desk, if not still rather rigidly.

Why was I so worried?

* * *

I had set out this morning full of confidence. I needed that at least right?

The sun was shinning through a cloudless sky down onto the baked earth of industrial estate. I felt the chunks of granite and rock crumbling beneath the wheels of the four by four I was driving. The jolts made me think back to my Gundam, wishing Zero's suspension system could have been installed in this rust bucket.

She was sitting beside me, her window open blowing her hair from her face. She was smiling and happy, just like the day we were driving through; it was a stark contrast to the stormily indifferent mask I was wearing.

"Where should we start?" She asked suddenly, looking at me as I started looking round for a place to stop.

"Where it tells us to," I replied monotonously.

"Oh, right," she nodded shyly and looked back out of her window.

For a big car it responded smoothly, I'll give it that. I admired the slick movements as it slipped in between two huge warehouses, hidden by their huge walls towering above.

She got out first, stepping onto the dry earth making it puff up small gasps of dust. This place was desolate.

"Well, let's start with number one then," she said as she adjusted her cap to stop the sun glaring into her eyes.

I just nodded and checked my data pad. It was very hot, no shelter once we stepped out from the shadow of the warehouses. I felt unnaturally vulnerable, like I was being watched, as we walked over the seemingly vast gap between the huge warehouses. I didn't like it, yet the ray of sunshine walking at my side didn't even seem to notice it.

Maybe I was being paranoid; yet after everything I'd experienced recently I doubted I was.

We continued to walk.

* * *

"Still not back," I mumble under my breath, trying not to make myself worry anymore than I needed to.

But I did, because I did need to. I needed to worry, about Heero, about his partner. I always needed to worry. Well things go wrong, don't they? Things you can't do anything about; and because you can't do anything, you feel better that at least you worried, at least you thought about it, devoted the smallest amount of time to the memory of those that were lost. Wait, wait, wait, rewind, no-one was lost, I couldn't think like that.

-Not ever...Heero...never lose you again...never.-

So this is when the obsession starts is it? When, yet again, I can't stop thinking about him. Again. Damn it Heero why do you have to do this to me? I can't take this all over again...I can't look after you; I can't look out for you, not all the time.

"Here's your coffee sir," the young office hand beamed, holding out the life giving liquid like a holy grail.

"Thanks," I nodded lethargically, taking the steaming cup in both hands.

"They'll be back soon," Wufei nodded to me from behind his laptop, reassuring till the end.

"Sure," I replied before tenuously sipping my coffee, savouring the bitter flavour, "thanks Wufei."

* * *

"Quatre?"

The voice seemed far away and small, like a mouse at the other end of a room.

"Quatre, wake up."

I was asleep? I didn't remember that.

"Wha..?" I muttered as I lifted my head from the comfy pillow I had made of my arms.

I was in my office again...that was right, I had been working on...something. Oh well, I really had been overworking myself lately.

"You really need to slow down with the work."

And I obviously wasn't the only one who'd noticed. I looked up with bleary eyes to focus on the slight form of Trowa standing in the doorway. He was dressed in casual black trousers and his with Preventers work T-Shirt. The look in his eyes was amused, even if his smile was barely noticeable.

"Heh, yes, you could say that," I laughed a little and tried not to blush as he smiled in full but dipped his head to hide it, "what time is it?"

"Almost three," Trowa said softly, leaning against the doorway and letting his hand rest on his hip as he watched me.

I just fussed with my sleep rumpled hair and tried to focus on anything other than the fact that he was staring at me. It was...disconcerting...I think.

"Well, then I think it's time for some late lunch don't you?" I said with a yawn, stretching and standing, leaving my computer to hum in the background as I walked towards my friend.

"Yes, I was just sent to call you," he admitted.

"Ah, mission accomplished then?"

"Aa," he said with a mock authoritative nod.

"Then let's accomplish another one," I smiled and patted my stomach, "I'm starving."

* * *

I was being watched, I knew it, I knew it! We had split up, Sunshine and I, and now I could feel those grubby eyes on me again...where, where are you, you little maggot?

"I know you're there," I growled out at last, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end as I turned to face the doorway I had just come through.

I was in a small office room with a dilapidated table and chairs and filling cabinets littering the confined space. There were dirty slits of light spinning their way through the cobwebs and death of the room, fighting against the dust that threatened to overwhelm them. I just stared at the loose door, hanging off its hinges, waiting for the figure that was watching me to emerge.

It never did.

A spider descended into my vision as I kept my eyes locked to the dirty rectangle the doorway was, spindly legs wrapping around its slim silk rope.

"Heero?" the sudden voice in my ear made me jump, sending the small spider scurrying and the dust into chaotic clouds; I just chocked out my do...you...ack...want?" I spluttered angrily, not caring about the timidity of her answer.

"Umm, it's just, well," she stammered a little before regaining her composure, "I wondered if you could...maybe..."

"What?" I growled menacingly.

"...Help me patrol warehouse 3?" she finished softly.

"Why," I asked succinctly, not even waiting for a polite pause.

"Well, uhh, it's just that I," I didn't interrupt her here, thinking it much more enjoyable to listen to her suffer, "I...can't reach the ladder release, to get me to the second floor. It's...too high."

Ha, short ass. Reminded me of someone else I knew, although he wouldn't have been so timid in asking for help, he would have just demanded it.

"Fine, wait there," I said exasperatedly, stalking off out of the office room, that feeling of eyes on my back growing with every step.

* * *

"Coffee, coffee cofeeeee," I sang under my breath as ripples floated across the now cold brown liquid before me.

I was bored.

"Looks like shit but tastes just loveleeeee," I improvised, rather ingeniously if I don't say so myself.

I was bored and I was worried.

"If you don't drink you must be crazeee..." I began to dance my fingers along the tale top as I sang, kicking the rather bemused coffee cup with my middle finger.

"Haven't you got some work to do or something?" Wufei growled at me, not even bothering to look up as he typed furiously.

"Probably," I sighed, kicking my little kinetic ornament next before turning back to the now abused coffee again.

"Well, could you maybe think about doing some then?" he said exasperatedly, finally gracing me with a glare.

I was bored and I was worried and I was lazy.

The office seemed to become darer with the passing hours, even though the windows were small and the lighting very bright. I think Une decided to up the voltage in our office just because she'd caught me napping a couple of times, perfectly innocently. Yeah, so it was kind of florescent in our little home, but yet still dark, I could swear it was.

"Do you think they'll check in soon?" I mumbled into my arms as I watched the little tapping silver balls swing back in their magnetic prison.

"Yes," came the succinct reply.

I sighed. For some reason I wasn't so sure about that. Wufei could be very optimistic at times, well when it suited him; like now it was suiting him because it shut me up. Any other time I'm sure that he would profess doom and gloom and all that jazz, I know what he's like. I stood up and opened the windows, twirling the little blinds so that the sunlight outside washed in and defused the ionised air. I felt the breeze on my face and was glad for the freshness it brought, clearing my mind, even if it didn't wash away the worry.

Dammit Yuy.

Couldn't stop thinking about him.

I shivered, yet the afternoon air was warm and soothing. I could have sworn, no...was someone watching me?

* * *

"There," it was all I could say as I released the third ladder.

Her face was bright red; she could have easily supplied heat for the entire of Osaka. I tried not to smile, my earlier feelings of dread and darkness slipping away...thankfully. I felt like a deep veil had been lifted from my eyes and I...liked it. It made me feel free. I liked that...and I could think of another person who would like that too.

"_You should be more free Heero, more like me for a change!"_

"_Not for all the Gundanium in the world," was my only reply, surprising Duo more with the fact that I had replied to him for once rather than the fact that I had made a joke._

"_Spoilsport," he mumbled, frowning and kicking at the ground, "no wonder I wanted to kill you before."_

Would it...make him smile? I hadn't seen him smile I so long. Well, I hadn't seen him in so long I guess, but still; he looked like he hadn't smiled in a long time. I think this would make him laugh. I think that, but then...what did it mean. Me making him smile...what did it mean?

For all the time I had when wandering, all that time to think and dream that I wasted, just when I get to the important stuff something interrupts me. Gunfire, however, wasn't exactly what I had been expecting.

* * *

Then it's always the moment of calm when things go wrong, those are the moments you have to be wary of. I guess that's why I never let my guard down, never relax, really ever let anyone near me. Those are always the times when everything goes wrong and your whole world falls apart, just when you thought you had pulled it back together. When the red light on my comm started blinking, I almost didn't notice it. When I get distracted I get careless, and this was one of those times. It was a good thing Wufei was there to notice for me, that my phone was flashing, and that it was an emergency.

"Duo!" he hissed, "kyuukan!"

"Huh? Oh shit!"

I almost dropped my stupid cold coffee as I fumbled with the small phone, missing buttons in my hurry. Finally one fumbling digit landed on "call" and I held it up to my ear expectantly.

"Maxwell," I said as professionally as I could.

"Special agent Maxwell?" a slightly panicked voice said on the other end.

"Yes," I sighed, -_didn't I just say that?-,_ "speaking."

"It's Agent Yuy, you were on his contact sheet," the voice started but was quickly interrupted by me.

"What!? What's happened," I must have sounded much too panicked, or the coloured drained from my face because Wufei, whom it takes a lot to surprise and doesn't usually react badly to anything, was in front of my desk in one second flat.

* * *

"Quatre, are you alright?"

"Huh?"

You know, even though I was staring off into space like I hadn't slept in days and was acting completely strangely, I couldn't help that think that Trowa actually starting two conversations with me in the space of one day was much odder.

"Yes, I'm fine," I nodded absently, playing with the half eaten food sitting in front of me.

Even though I had been the one to suggest something to eat, I had suddenly run out of appetite half way though eating. I just felt like, well, a little sick I suppose. Trowa had finished long ago but seemed content to sit and watch me fiddle with my salad. The sun was warring with the clouds in the sky; storms seemed to be brewing in the air before my very eyes. Such a contrast to this morning's fair weather, I thought.

* * *

"It was an ambush, the group from L4, a revenge bombing, suicide we think..."

"You're babbling!" I warned.

"Agent Jaden has first degree burns, nothing serious."

"And Yuy?" I could see Wufei's eyes narrow at the worry in my voice.

* * *

"I feel cold, I think I'm going to go back inside," I said suddenly, pushing my plate away and standing.

Trowa gave me a quizzical look, his visible green eye shining with concern.

"Cold?" he asked.

"...Yes," I said after a slight hesitation, "I just need to get back inside, I'll be fine."

He nodded to that. That's my Trowa, never one to argue...yet, for once I wish he would have just pushed me that little bit further. I would have told him what was really troubling me, I would have. It was like a shadow had swept over my heart; cliché I know, yet it's true. Something was wrong.

Someone was watching me.

* * *

"His condition is critical," the voice panicked, "he's been shot twice, once in the chest, second..." but he never finished, or if he did I didn't hear it. The phone dropped numb from my fingers and I could feel my chest tighten, tears stinging at my eyes like wasps.

"No..." was all I could choke out before I heard Wufei run through the door, his footsteps echoing down the corridor like distant thunder.

AN: Ah the beginning of the violence...mwoohahaha! Okay, please R&R and tell me what you think -

Ps: I'm sorry this took sooooooooo looooooong, if anyone was actually waiting then do forgive my lazy ass! I think I was concentrating on my Weiss Kreuz fic too much (no excuse I know0 but then I had a brainstorm for this story, yay! So please don't be mad or I'll cry I mean it! Ha ha, made you think tee hee. Okay it's late and I'm mad, goodnight all!


	14. Ground Zero in Paradise

Disclaimer: The boys and the girls aren't mine, but the madness is mwoohahahahaha!

Key – A line denotes change in POV

-_denotes thoughts or inner speech-_

**Chapter 14**

**Ground Zero in Paradise**

So I'm going to die. How interesting. How very, very interesting. I knew that I was coming back for something, but I didn't know what...guess this was the "what".

I could almost smell the trap in the air when we walked into the warehouse, but I ignored it. Why? Because I really didn't care. I didn't care what happened to me. I had decided that after I came back, after I sought out Quatre, after I realised the dark in me was too strong. It was probably the dark that decided for me. Everyone had inner demons, but my own are beginning to take me over. So it doesn't matter, none of it, not really. I just regret that I won't get to tell Trowa, tell him how I'm sorry for ruining...everything.

I guess that good mood I had been inn earlier had been, well, all crap.

The pain isn't so bad, I've had worse anyway. Bullet wounds, big deal. Try having you're entire body blown apart, being thrown to the ground at an unbearable speed and snapping almost every bone in your body, the skin torn from your limbs. Now that's painful, though of course I don't mean to brag. I would have laughed if I didn't think I'd rupture something.

I wish that they would leave me alone, these doctors, wish they would let me die at least in some semblance of peace. I was always fighting, am always fighting, and there's never any silence. Those were the moments I cherished the most, when we were hiding, or undercover, and it was just quiet. No guns, no bombs, no smell of charred flesh and burning metal; just quiet. I had spent the last two years growing steadily sick of peace and quiet, yet when it came to the end...that was all I wanted. I wanted to die like that, wanted to die in peace and quiet, knowing there was nothing to be done, nothing to be sorted, that I wasn't leaving anything unfinished. I wanted to die knowing my mission was done. Now however there was noise, all around me. I could hear people shouting, no matter how far off they sounded, I could feel the needle for the blood IV being slid under my skin, feel the burning in my chest and my leg where the bullets ate at my flesh. I didn't want this, not this...had to tell...

"Trowa..." I moaned a little deliriously, hoping that someone would take the hint and go find him, "...I need to speak to..."

"Don't talk," I heard a gentle voice command, even though I could hear the worry running through it. I recognised that voice...

"Duo?" I croaked, choking on the blood that rose in my throat.

"Heero, don't worry buddy, you'll be fine," I heard him reassure, but he was slipping, could hear him getting further...

"Get Trowa," I pleaded as best I could before I had to let him go, couldn't stay awake any...longer...this isn't...good...

* * *

"Oh god! Heero stay with me!" I cried, shoving back mercilessly as the nurses tried to pull me from him.

"Please sir!" the nurse strained holding me back as the stretcher and Heero were pulled out of my grasp, "we have to get him into the operating theatre now! You've done all you can, now let us take it from here."

Her eyes were pleading, but I could see the sympathy behind her desperation. I nodded dumbly, letting my body go limp, proving to her I wasn't going to resist.

"Just save him, don't let him leave," I breathed, panting heavily from my run down the corridor, "please."

"We'll do everything we can," she reassured me, squeezing my arm and then running full speed round the corner after the mess of doctors and blood.

I stood where she left me, panting and listening to the sound of her receding footsteps, echoing along the now empty corridor. I heard the swing doors bang open and then thump together again as they closed, leaving me in silence. Then I let go, let myself fall to my knees, and began to shake almost uncontrollably. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop my heart from racing, or the sobs that threatened to choke from my throat.

"Not after all this," I pleaded with no one in particular, "not after all this time, all we've done, been through! Don't let this happen! Please!!"

"Duo!" Even that panicked shout didn't pull me from my pleading, the sound of running feet seeming now completely insignificant.

I felt nothing, only that pain, that pain I had hoped I would never have to feel again, and the one that threatened everyday to raise its ugly head ever since he'd come back to me, ever since I'd been born...

"I never wanted to lose anyone," I tried to explain to my hands, "never again. Please..."

"Duo, are you alright?" I felt a hand on my shoulder, pressing hard as its owner drew heavy breaths, fighting to regain their composure.

"He's going to die isn't he?" I tried not to sound melodramatic, "All my fault..."

"God Duo! Don't talk like that!" I heard Wufei hiss, "no one is going to die!"

"Can't protect you all the time..." I began to ramble to myself, "not there all the time. Stupid! IDIOT!"

I clenched my hands in my hair and pulled and pulled until I thought I would rip my head in half. I wanted that pain, wanted to feel it burning, wanted it, and wanted it more than that horrible hollow feeling that was digging away at me now. Oh why does he still have to do this to me? Why can't he just leave me alone?

"Get Trowa," I said suddenly as I heard Wufei take a breath to speak, not wanting him to say another word, "Heero wanted Trowa. Go get him, NOW!"

"Right," I heard him say, trying not to sound confused, only to focus on a dying mans last wish.

Dying man. Ha, who was the dying man? Heero or me? Maybe it was both of us. Maybe I am dying right now, it felt just as bad. What a way to go, this is too much like a soap opera. Oh god, oh god, oh god...

-_I just don't want to lose him_- I thought, trying to force my mind into some sort of order, -just don't let him leave me again. Don't want to be alone...-

"Quit being so selfish, you bastard!" I spat at myself, "this isn't about you!"

I took a deep breath, but it didn't help. I tried to hum something, focus on the sound of my own voice, force myself to focus, and slowly but surely I started to clam down. Now that I look back on it I must have looked like such a mental case, sitting in the middle of the corridor humming to myself and trying to tear my hair out. That really isn't the image you want to give yourself, but it helped nonetheless.

"Oh Heero, why does it hurt me so much," I asked the same no one in particular, "how can you still do this to me, after all this time..."

AN: It's short and unsatisfactory and Duo sounds like a wuss, I know, but I had to write it sorry! Please R&R you lovely people!


End file.
